Goodbye To The Normals - My Blog

Dr. House and the wings

2009-02-03T02:28:00.005+01:00

Now, i was watching the 1st show of the 5th season of Dr. House in my portuguese TV, and there was a bit where two ladies, a doctor and a pacient, are chatting...the doctor doesnt agree with what the patient is doing with her life...in fact, she works for another person and shes treated as if she had no value...the doctor is giving an advice to the patient, telling her to fight for her and to not let other people treat her so badly...but it seems the patient is used to that, she doesnt want to change....and she said a phrase i think its so beautiful (im not sure if the words are the same, but the idea is there):

«I'd rather live with the birds, than to be all my life dreaming about having wings.»

and these words touched me so much, maybe because im a bit like her....well, im not saying people treat me badly, not at all...what im saying is that i avoid living dreaming about wings or about anything else....i prefer to see the world passing by, i see the things as they are, and i dont try to change anybody nor anything....i dont try to change myself.....i see the others fighting for their dreams, i see the others "flying" and i accept i cant fly....i know i will never have wings, so why wait for something that will never happen? its so much easier to see the birds flying, isnt it?

i think Dr. House is one of the best shows ive ever seen in all my life....not only the stories are very interesting but also the personality of Dr. House is so rich and intelligent that even watching some of his kind of "cruel" and "cold" attitudes, we cant deny to feel some attraction by his way of being....and also a huge respect for somebody who, in the most complicated and weird situations, always finds the solution :-)

in Dr. Houses case, it seems he doesnt waste his time dreaming about having wings or not....he is as he is, and everybody must accept him as he is, cos, in spite of all, hes really good in what he does :-)

cant wait for the next shows!

Daddy, how was I born?

2009-01-22T23:28:00.004+01:00

This is soooooo cool, i thought i should post it here :-)

Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down...You'll love this...

'You got Male!'

Life...

2009-01-19T03:14:00.005+01:00

Theres a dark corner in my soul that i always try to forget that it exists...but sometimes, some things happen and they make me so sad.......at the beginning, i try not to think on them and think on another things that make me feel better....but if a soul is not happy, how can we smile? and suddenly a feeling of sadness invades my heart, it gets bigger and bigger and i simply lose the control of the situation....and now that hidden dark corner in my soul seems the only place to be.....

life sometimes is a bit complicated, isnt it?

in these moments, i wished i could switch off and come back a week later.....

:-(

My elves cats and me

2008-12-18T01:47:00.006+01:00

I found this link «Elf Yourself» in net and made this little video with my cats and me lol

My way

2008-12-04T01:43:00.005+01:00

Why this video here now?

dont know...just know that im feeling down and it was nice to watch this video, one of the most beautiful and touching videos and performances of Robbie Williams...

«My way»....maybe a way i never, never took in my whole life...because so many times, to please the ones i love the most, i must forget my own feelings, i must kill a bit a part of me, i must betray myself, i must show a smile when there are only tears...

how i know where i can find my way?

(if there is one...)

its so dark now and cant find any star to show me the way....my way....

..........

Trying...

2008-12-03T23:14:00.000+01:00

Trying to kill a little part of me but its so hard and it hurts as hell...

Congratulations Obama!

2008-11-05T21:17:00.005+01:00

Obama is USAs new president and im very happy because first i trusted more in him than in McCain, and second because i believe he will make something better in USAs politics and all over the world :-)

i only hope that now that hes on "the top" wont forget the ones where he belonged a few hours ago...sadly in politics that happens most times...it seems all ideals and dreams are lost when people get to "the top"...

but i believe something different and good will happen in our world :-)

congratulations Obama!!!

Obama victory speech here

Happy Halloween

2008-11-01T01:45:00.002+01:00

Here is my message to all people around the world who enjoy the Halloween:

yeah, have lots of fun and play as if you was a kid :-)

here in Portugal, only in these last years we started paying attention to Halloween, because its an anglo-saxonic tradition.........today i even bought cookies and a package of candies just in case some trick or treat kids knock at the door, but nobody appeared maybe because its sooo cold outside lol

well, im going now, bye byeeee and take care :-)

XXXXXXXX

Life and its tricks...

2008-10-13T00:45:00.005+01:00

Oh well...what can i say?

i think sometimes it seems life has a very weak sense of humour......i mean, it plays silly tricks on us that make us feel really crap, and you know that at that moment some people you know but they dont really like you, they are enjoying it as if they were eating the best ice cream of the world...they dont need to do anything to annoy you, because life makes that for them.....you feel as if some "divine" punishement was there for you, to punish you for your feelings, for your acts, for your thoughts :-(

sometimes its very simple things, but they really put you down....and its funny because it seems "somebody" is chosing the "best" moment for it...

everyday i try to do my best to please everybody...i think the ones around me, they deserve it, and i also know they do the same for me...and when this is mutual, i mean, when this works in both sides, its great for everybody...

but sadly, this doesnt happen everytime i want....sadly, there are some people i cant please, whatever i make...and if i ask for something very simple to them, it seems im asking for something completely impossible...then i ask to me, if those people really love me, if they are really my friends....

(oh my God, my bloody doubts :-(.......)

then life decides to play a stupid trick on you....and you feel like Bridget Jones in her beautiful dress that she took hours to chose, when the cars pass near her on the rainy road...you feel as if the world has finished, isnt it?

and worse than that, you know that the ones who dont like you, they are laughing at you at that moment...nobody is guilty, only the destiny...its life....and you wait and wait that things will change one day, because you dont know how much more time you will be able to handle with this...

i think im not explaining very well what im feeling, but i cant explain it better......its so confusing.....i only know its not nice, and that it makes me feel so crap :-(

(i need some sun to dry my dress...)

About dreams

2008-10-08T02:55:00.009+01:00

Dreams are funny because they make us live in a world that only exists in our head...sometimes, they are really bad, and we feel so desperate and then when we awake and realise it was only a nightmare, its such a relief...sadly, when those dreams are very deep, all day long we cant take them out of our thoughts...and it has already happened to me to feel some sadness during the day only because i had a very sad dream during the night

dreams make us remember things that are hidden in the deepest of our hearts...the good things but also the bad things, and its sometimes so upseting to remember things we keep trying to forget because they only give us sadness or fear...

the other night, i dreamt about Freddy my old cat that sadly died some months ago :-(
but that dream was so nice, because it was so real and it was so great to see him again

i miss my cat so much and so many times i remember him...he was such a cute cat, he loved everybody, he was so sweet.....at the end of his life i made everything to make him live a bit more but without suffering, and he was always so brave, accepting patiently the treatments.......i think he was a lil hero, all the vets even called him "the survivor"...he died with more than 20 years old, i had to ask the vet to put him to sleep because we had tried everything but there wasnt anything else to do and i didnt want to see him in pain...

it was very hard to make this, to say goodbye to my old friend, but till the last second i havent left him, and he died so calmly in my arms...

and these things hurt so much, we try not to remember them because they make us sad, so when i dreamt the other night about my Freddy and i saw him so real in front of me, in one hand it made me remember again all those sad moments we had, but in other hand it made me feel so happy because i miss him so much so its so fantastic to be again with him, even if its only in my dreams...

i know its only a cat, but for me the pets who live with us and with whom we share so many moments of happiness and sadness, who keep us company when we feel alone, who make us so many times smile when we are down, who dont ask for anything, because they only want our love and attention, those pets for me are my family too :-)

its also so great to dream about the ones we love but sadly they are so far from us....i even try not to think much on them during the day so i know during the night they might visit me in my dreams :-)

life sometimes is a bit hard when the ones we love the most cant be with us...it hurts so much, it seems some part of us is missing, it seems our life is incomplete...it makes us feel that the sun has gone and its always raining in our heart...

so, when we dream about those we love but we miss them so much, it seems some shining star went to bright our dark nights...and in those moments, we dont feel alone anymore...

A pic my sister Céu took to Freddy

maybe he was dreaming about something in that moment...who knows?

Beating the Hunger Crisis

2008-09-29T23:11:00.010+01:00

A message from ONE:

Hi, I just signed a petition asking G8 leaders and the UN Secretary General to commit to providing the food, seed, and fertilizer necessary to help some of the world's poorest countries beat the ongoing hunger crisis.

I hope that you'll join me in taking action here: http://www.one.org/international/un2008/?rc=un2008taf

We've seen aid achieve some amazing things in recent years - like over 29 million more children in school for the first time, and over 2 million more Africans with access to AIDS medications.

But we must recognize the ongoing hunger crisis for the obstacle that it is and work to overcome it if we hope to continue our success.

Thanks"

Why not try this?

because the more the voices, the stronger will be the message :-)

My sun is back

2008-09-13T01:50:00.004+01:00

Things change, thanks God, and im feeling a bit better now

somewhere a golden angel came near me and gave me their shoulder to cry on, and showed me their love and helped me, and made me feel i was no more alone...

my world is not dark now, theres a shining star who keeps me company

im glad i could put back again my Facebook and MySpace accounts, i was so stupid for deleting them....why i make these things? it seems that when im feeling very down i need to destroy something important for me, or to hurt myself, to relief my pain....but why? am i trying to punish me? what have i done to deserve this? why this happens to me sometimes???

why sometimes i feel so bad, as if life had no more sense?

i hate that feeling...

my dark clouds are gone now, the sun (my sun) is shining again :-)

but when will those clouds come back again?

........

.................

2008-09-12T19:55:00.003+01:00

crap, crap, crap

i cancelled now my two accounts in facebook and in myspace, im so tired of everything, im so tired of being put apart, im so tired of people treating me as if i dont belong to their world, i must get rid of this bloody things that link me to a world that doesnt exist, well, it must exist but ive no right to belong to it, i wish i had the courage to close this blog too, but i need it to shout my anger and my sadness, sometimes i feel im gonna explode!!!

CRAP!!!CRAP!!!CRAP!!!

im so fed up of EVERYTHING!!!

Forgotten

2008-09-11T23:23:00.008+01:00

What is the feeling of being forgotten by somebody who is the most important person for you in this world?

nothing else in life really matters, isnt it?

your world falls as a fragile castle made of cards...

you feel lost and so alone

you feel disappointed because you thought there was somewhere a star that brightened your days, but then you realise that star doesnt exist...

maybe it has never existed...

suddenly your world gets so dark

and you feel so empty...

your tears are the only friends you have now

:-(

It's Not Easy...

2008-08-13T02:37:00.005+01:00

Ok,
Try not to think about what is hurting you
..............
I know it's not easy
But try it, ok?

Today, there was sun outside
You love the sun, don't you?

Why you weren't happy with the sun?

Look at the birds on the roofs
They are so happy!

Why you are not happy for their happiness?

Try to put in a deep corner of your soul
What is hurting you

Close your eyes
and then close the dark doors of that dark feeling

Open your eyes and look around you

Please don't look inside your heart

Forget it
even if it's only for a few minutes

Try to think only in good things in life
in good things you have

in good people you know

Try to make things that make you happy

Look at the smile of that little boy in the TV

Listen to that song you love so much

Keep trying....

Now, you are busy with things
and you wont think about what hurts you

But don't stop!

If you stop, you think
If you think, you remember
If you remember, you cry again

and again....

I know it's not easy

Everybody wants you to be fine

And you try to be fine
Even if your heart is broken, isn't it?

It's not easy....

Thinking about thinking

2008-06-28T03:10:00.005+01:00

Been watching on TV the concert in Hyde Park to celebrate Nelson Mandelas birthday and enjoying it, because this great man deserves it, because its a concert with many artists and lots of music and colour, and because it brings in it an important message, a message of union between everybody to make this world better, no matter the religions, the countries, the colours, or even the thoughts of each other.....and thats always beautiful and important :-)

one of the groups of artists who participated in this concert was the "Queen without Freedie Mercury", and that made me wonder.....Freddie Mercury was one of the best singers ive ever heard in my whole life, he had such a wonderful and strong a voice and such a peculiar way of singing and performing, that i think he must be in the list of the best artists of the whole world, of all times.....i loved his songs and still today i love to listen to his songs.....

so, i think......is this guy replaceable? i mean, what is the feeling of the ones listening to Freddies songs but sung by another person?

to be honest, i was listening to some of his songs, and i feel that the Queen without Freddie Mercury are no more the Queen.....i know that Paul Rodgers sings Freddies songs but its not the same thing....it cant be......he cant have the voice and the way of singing Freddie had.....nobody can......

so, i ask to me.....why people keep trying to replace whats not replaceable? if Queens fans enjoy their music and miss it, why not listen to the old songs sung by Freddie Mercury and not by another artist who maybe is taking away from those songs something very important?

im remembering Robbie Williams my favorite artist, whose voice and way of singing and performing nobody else can do better than him......i wouldnt enjoy to see one day somebody singing his songs and trying to imitate him....not at all :-(.....songs like "Angels", the best song of all times, nobody else can sing it the way Rob sings it, nobody......they can try it, but they really cant....

i think a real good artist who sings a real good song, creates something very unique that nobody else can imitate.....its a feeling, an emotion, its their soul they leave in that song......and nobody can take out that soul of a song.......

and im not talking only about artists, im talking about people in general......people whose lives are important for other people......if those people die one day, nobody can replace them.....we must get used to their absence, and remember them to keep them alive in our hearts......

but, well, its only my opinion.....and in a night when im not feeling very well, feeling those dark clouds in my heart.......thinking about thinking........thinking about people i love and i care about but who are not with me and will never be..........thinking about the unfair things life brings to us everydays.........thinking about my ill cat fighting against his illness and me trying to help him, but im not sure if im really helping him.....hes so old and his illness has no cure, am i being sellfish for trying to make him live a bit more?.........but who am i to decide what is the right time to let him go?.......i think hes not in pain, thats why im making everything, and i mean everything, to make him survive......because if he was in pain, i should have the courage to give up.....as i had years ago with my dogs..... :-(......but i dont want to remember this now, its too much painful........it broke my heart, and it keeps breaking everytime i think about it......

need to give the medecines to my cat and then i must go to bed......tomorrow ill feel better.....

funny, my cats name is Freddy :-)

goodnight to the stars

XXXXXXXX

Today i WONT cry!

2008-06-17T02:25:00.006+01:00

Feeling crap, crap, crap.....

but this time i WONT cry, im so fed up of crying as a silly child, i feel always so ridiculous...

ill pretend everything is ok, and if something tries to upset me, ill open a little door in my mind and ill throw to there all my darkest feelings, oh yeah i will...

and then ill close that door and ill throw away the key....oops i cant, because i know other bad feelings will want to appear and i must hide them there too...

its as if a dark and ugly monster was invading my soul in all directions and i must try to ignore it to do not feel so lost...

why sometimes this happens to me? what have i done to deserve this?

why people keep hurting each others, specially the ones who are closer to them? is that fair?

in whom can we count on?

sometimes we think we can count on somebody and that we are important for that person, but suddenly we realise we are so wrong, we dont mean anything to that person, and that everything nice that person seems to make to you, its not made with real love and joy, its made with sacrifice........and when you think you have something very special in your life, maybe one of the most special things in all your life, something more precious than gold, suddenly you find out thats nothing, its only sand that disappears in the middle of your fingers, you try to hold it tight in your hands because its so important for you, but it vanishes, and so, so fast..... :-(

how can we always be so wrong? how can we always feel so lost in this endless road thats our stupid life?

maybe we only can rest when our life comes to its end....no more dreams, no more disillusions, we dont hurt any more people and nobody else hurts us, its the end of everything.....and when we die, if somebody sometimes remembers us that means that during our life we were important to that person and in some way we made some difference in their life......and that keeps us alive and eternal, even if its only in one persons heart......

many times i think im lucky because i have a wonderful family, not very large, but they really love me and care about me, and we all are very close, and i never doubt about their feelings for me....and ive my pets who i know they really love me too......and i know that if one day ill go, they will really miss me, ive no doubts about that.....i also have no doubts that when they are with me, they really enjoy my company, they are not making any sacrifice, im not being something heavy and disturbing in their lives, ive no doubts about that too...........and thats so wonderful to me, dont believe many people have this luck :-)

but sadly i feel other people who are close, or i think they are close to me, its not the same thing..........and that breaks my heart because i know i dont deserve that, because for me those persons are very important and very special, and i couldnt live without them........but i feel they think im only creating problems in their lives and that everything would be better if i was far, far away from them.........

i feel like an annoying and dark cloud thats taking away the sun from a flower........

so if that dark cloud really loves that flower, and knows that the flower doesnt need you, it only wants and needs the warm and happy sun, dont you think it has arrived the time to have the courage to go away and leave that flower in peace? its hard for you because you feel that flower sometimes will need the rain that could water its petals and at the same time, that flower is important for you, it brights your life and gives colours to your days...........

but you feel you cant force the feelings of the ones you love but who dont love you, thats so stupid..........you need them but you must realise they DONT need you.....they are important for you, but you are only a pain in their lives............

so, u must go, go with the wind, go to the ones who really love you and care about you, and forget everything that is constanly hurting you and breaking your heart!

you cant be so silly all your life.....

but, as i said, i WONT cry today!

thats enough of tears, too much tears in my life since i was born, thats enough!

...................................................

To be or not to be...

2008-05-24T02:14:00.004+01:00

So, its me here again, having been here for ages...went here now because i needed to talk...

ok, here it is: sometimes it happens to everybody something like this...you are afraid of hurting or upseting somebody you love too much and you know you cant show your real feelings, i mean, you are not feeling happy, something is hurting you, but you must show to that person that everything is fine with you....thats not easy, but the one you love wont realise how much you are suffering...and that person wont suffer with you...

so, is this fair? not only you feel unhappy but also you are obliged to play a hard role and maybe you are "lying" to your friend...but if you show that you are not feeling well, the one you love will feel bad too.....and if you know that person isnt well because of you, you will feel even worse!

life is a bit complicated, isnt it?

who knows which is the right time to be who you are, to show what you are feeling, to tell what you are thinking???

maybe we should never hide our feelings, as very young kids do....they are not afraid of opening their hearts, of crying if they need to, or of laughing if they want to....

animals dont think neither about what they are feeling.....they always show what is in their hearts, always...

well, i think its time to go to bed, its too late and my brain cant think lol

sweet dreams to anybody whos there

XXXXXXXX

Spiritual ConneXtions Aknowledgement Awards 2008

2008-04-13T02:57:00.003+01:00

I put here a banner about the next event in September this year, where the most important UK people dedicated to the spiritualism and paranormal will have the chance to receive an award....the votings have already started and the great site Spiritual ConneXtions is organising this great event.....last year, the event was so amazing and i had the luck to be there :-) this year i believe it will be even better! i think everybody whos interested in everything related with spiritualism and the mysteries of life and death, should be there :-) many well known people will go to that event so i feel really proud to put this banner here in my blog.....

i want to wish to the ones who are organising this huge event, 3 wonderful and unforgettable days, plenty of great moments as they deserve :-)

goodluck!

XXXXXXXX

Communication?

2008-04-04T00:40:00.005+01:00

So, the question today is......communication, i mean people talking with others about life and other things, sharing experiences and emotions, telling good and bad things that happen to them, communicating........and so many times, theres no need of words to communicate.....a smile, a tear, a touch on the shoulder, a hug, everything can show to the others how we are feeling.....

but why am i talking about this now? maybe because so many times in my life theres a lack of communication............when people who are friends are together, theres communication between them.....they trust enough in each other and care enough about each others lives, that they enjoy talking about so many things, and that communication gets both lives richer and richer everyday........

but if theres no communication between two friends doesnt that mean that theres no friendship between them? even if they are together?

once i heard a story about an old couple that were married for ages.......it looked like they were happy, and their life was quiet and nice...........one day somebody went to visit them and then they had lunch............during the lunch, the visitor asked the lady if she wanted butter to put on her slice of bread and she said "no thanks i never enjoyed butter in my life"...........her husband was very amazed because every morning they took together the breakfast during years, and he never imagined that his wife didnt like butter..........

well, what does that mean? such a couple who lived together for so many years, were they really friends? such a little detail as this one, the butter one, maybe its not important, but then we think "why that lady never told her husband that she didnt like butter? why she didnt communicate that to him? why that man never understood the tastes of his wife?".............only a simple detail but maybe during all their lives other details and maybe much more important, were ignored or misunderstood...............

so, when people say that they are our friends and that care about us, and then they are with us, we feel so happy to be with them, isnt it? but if they are with us but theres no communication, what kind of friendship is that?

how many times it has happened that we are with a friend and we are talking about us, about our things, and our friend is there, is listening to us, or pretends to be listening to us, but pratically doesnt talk with us, and we keep talking and talking, and time passes by and we feel more and more alone, we feel we are talking for nobody, we feel that person whos with us isnt there, is miles and miles away............well, the body is there but not the soul, and when we say goodbye we feel something is missing, something very important is missing.................

and whats missing is communication, its interaction between people who are so close, and then we think if that friendship really exists............

well, as always, theres no answers to my questions, there are no people commenting my posts or saying something nice that would make me feel a bit better, but hey thats life, isnt it?

goodnight to everybody

XXXXXXXX

World in dark today for 5 precious minutes :-)

2008-02-29T03:21:00.004+01:00

«ENGLISH VERSION

World in dark (Blackout). In the 29th February of 2008 from 7:55pm to 8:00pm Lisbon, Greenwich - Hour, is proposed to turn of all lights and if possible all electric equipments, to our planet 'breath'.

If we make an massive answer to this request, the power saves can be brutal!!!
Only five minutes, to see what happens.
Yes, we'll be 5 minuts in the dark, we can turn light a candle and simply just stay watching it. It's five minutes that our planet and us will be breathing.

Remember, the union makes the force and the Internet can have a lot of power and using it like now we can make something BIG and GREAT to the environment and mankind.

Pass the new, and if you have friends all over the world send them this mail and ask them to make the translation to their language and adapt the hour of your and they're country to the Lisbon Greenwich time.

Thank You and once in life let's make someting great for our planet!

VERSÃO PORTUGUESA

Escuridão mundial: No dia 29 de Fevereiro de 2008 das 19:55 às 20:00 horas propõe-se apagar todas as luzes e se possível todos os aparelhos eléctricos, para o nosso planeta poder 'respirar'. Se a resposta for massiva, a poupança energética pode ser brutal. Só 5 minutos, para ver o que acontece. Sim, estaremos 5 minutos às escuras, podemos acender uma vela e simplesmente ficar a olhar para ela, estaremos a respirar nós e o planeta. Lembrem-se que a união faz a força e a Internet pode ter muito poder e podemos mesmo fazer algo em grande. Passa a notícia, se tiveres amigos a viver noutros países envia-lhes e pede-lhes que façam a tradução e adaptem as horas.»

This is my message for today :-)

Is it possible?

Lets try it!

Happy Valentines (whats that?)

2008-02-14T15:27:00.003+01:00

Im here again, needed to write something because this day i dont like it, it makes me sad, always...

not feeling very well today...it hurts my head, i think i got a cold, i feel cold inside me

and the funny is that i need to cry but i cant, dont know whats happening...maybe ive already wasted all my tears lol

i know i shouldnt feel like this, ive so many great things and people in my life, but sadly this bloody 14 February always makes me feel like this...

WHY PEOPLE INVENTED VALENTINES DAY???

why it cant be a day like the others?

if people really love somebody why do they need this day to show their love? dont they have every days to make that?

and when people have nobody who loves them, its a bit cruel for them to turn on the television and watch all those silly Valentines adverts, or go outside and see the shops plenty of stupid bears with red hearts in their arms, or see people buying lots of cards and flowers, and you look at you and theres no flowers in your hands, theres not a simple card, theres not a kiss, theres not a hug, theres no love in your life, and you feel you want to disappear because your life is a shit

and your head is hurting so much and you are so fed up of this day

and its still so early, its only 3 in the afternoon, and theres still a long day in front of you, and you waiting for nothing

and you waiting for nobody...

...

oh well...

my cats are needing me, i think they are hungry....i will feed them and will show to them all my love

they deserve it, they love me so unconditionally

its sun outside, maybe i wont feel so cold now

happy Valentines to the ones who know whats that...

Oh well...

2007-11-11T03:24:00.000+01:00

Well, it seems that when we dont want to cry, we really wont cry......

was feeling down, was feeling that something good and precious i have in my life, im slowly losing it :-( or maybe i never had it, but i thought i had it....only an illusion to make me believe in good things in life, in good relationships, in good people.......but more and more i wonder if i really had that treasure......and, if i had it, im feeling im losing it, every little second that passes by........

not easy to think that in the past, we had, or we thought we had, a friend......and today, that friend is no more your friend, but they take advantage of that feeling you had for them.......and they constantly lie to you......you have no proofs that they are lying, but you feel it inside your heart..............and everytime you talk with them, you cant know the difference between whats true and whats a lie........and you feel so confused and lost because you feel somebody to whom you were very close is playing now with your feelings.............and you feel so stupid, isnt it?

and then, in the same day when that happens, when you are trying to forget everything, and to enjoy your day, suddenly it seems that something happens that reminds you again everything you were trying to forget.....another person, another situation, but the same bad feeling of doubts about good relationships............or about relationships you thought they were good......and now theres this emptiness inside you, theres this feeling that you really dont know whats happening, you feel insecure, you feel that the ones you love and care about, they no more love you, no more need you........you feel they are so fed up of you, of your presence, and of everything that has to do with you :-( you even feel that any second that person is with you is a sacrifice for them, because you are so boring.........and you feel you should run away and disappear forever...........

thats not a nice feeling, specially for somebody who knows how rejection hurts...........and you want to cry, to cry the whole night, when everybody is sleeping and nobody will notice you are so hurted............

and you start to cry, but you decide no, i wont cry today, im so tired of crying........and you eat a whole package of peanuts m&ms and you watch a stupid movie they are puting on the TV about people who are bad for one anothers and at the end everybody gets friends, and for a while you forget you needed to cry and that the world sometimes is a bit mean to you...........

and now, you are here writing for nobody, you are here needing a hug nobody will give you, waiting for a nice word you know you will never have......

you are so stupid and so boring :-(

image from Elotopia

Goodbye to the Normals

2007-11-02T02:36:00.000+01:00

It seems it has passed ages since last time i posted here...been happening so much things, my trip to England with my sister and my nephew, the Spiritual Connextions Awards event there, such a wonderful event, i felt so proud for being invited there :-)

i wasnt going to write here now, but was passing by here and i turned on the player ive here with the Burslem Normals song...and suddenly i felt invaded by a feeling of melancholy, really cant understand why thats happening...this song always touches me in such a weird way, dont know if its for the lyrics, or for the music, or for both...i feel something i cant explain, as if it was a huge sadness for something good thats lost forever...but what? maybe my childhood, but im not sure because it was really crap...maybe the times of my life where i only lived the present and didnt think about the past, nor about the future, nor about the "if" nor the "maybe"...does that song reminds me of good things i had and that gave me hope about people and about the world, hope about relationships, about feelings, but then everything has changed and i miss those things, because i got too much attached to them? what is it???

who are the "Normals" to whom im saying goodbye? is it me? am i saying goodbye to myself every day that passes, everyday that im getting older and older, does that mean im dying slowly every little second i live?

why am i feeling like this? i was feeling more or less ok and suddenly this song made me tears in my eyes, and made me feel confused and lost and lonely......

(hey Rob you who made this song, what feelings did you have in the moment you were composing this song? the same as im having now? the same as i always have when i listen to it?)

whats happening inside my head, inside my soul?

but its such a beautiful song, i love it so much....its very special for me, thats why i used it to give the title to my blog :-)

(and im not forgetting my Angels, the song of my life, but thats another story :-)

sweet dreams to whoever is out there wasting their time to read my silly and confused post

XXXXXXXX

im going to put here a remix i found in YouTube and i think its very good...to be honest, im not very found of remixes because when i love a song i love it as it is....but this remix has something of Jean Michel Jarre and i think the result of this work is really interesting:

«Burslem Normals ambient remix (robbie williams/nathan jay)»

My 100th post here

2007-09-28T02:25:00.000+01:00

Its my 100th post here and i must say ive nothing special to say, so maybe i shouldnt say anything and wait for a better moment to write a post.......a special one because its my post number 100......but i needed to say an important thing, or well, not very important, but i need to say this...........

these last days ive been feeling really confused........in one side, i realise ive so great things in my life and that makes me happy........in other side, theres so much missing, i know it, im not exagerating, and that makes feel really miserable..........i feel so guilty for not enjoying the good things the way i should do.......i feel im so ungrateful and that one day, ill be punished............

yesterday, while surfing in internet, i found in google images a picture i will never forget...........it was an image of a very young child dead lying on the floor, and that child had no head, the head was lying near..............maybe one more innocent child victim of a bomb........oh my God! i felt so, so bad, i felt so guilty and silly and stupid.........me always moaning about my stupid problems and somewhere little children dying in such a cruel way!!! how is this possible??? do i deserve to have good things in my life, if i dont know how to enjoy them?

why children who have never made harm to this world, why they are suffering in this way???

is there any justice in this world?

people like me who are never satisfied with good things that they have, should take a lesson from this.........such a young child, just in the begining of their life, had no right to live, and died in such an awful way........this child had no time to dream, to smile, to laugh, to love and to be loved.........too soon this child was taken away from this world, and the only thing they met during their small life was so much pain............how we, who are still alive and who had already so many good moments in our lives, how do we feel we have the right to feel sometimes so miserable???

and then i think i should do what kids do at school to learn their lessons, and write one hundred, or maybe one thousand times, this truth:

«Dont waste your life thinking about things you dont have and suffering because of it, and enjoy good things you have, before one day you will realise that those good things may go away and then it will be too late to enjoy them...»

i wont post here that image i found in internet because its too cruel.......although i should look at it everytime i forget its lesson.............but its an image i will never forget........instead of that, i will post here a nice image, an image of hope, peace and joy to celebrate my 100th post here :-)

Feeling...

2007-09-27T00:40:00.000+01:00

Feeling that its time to change, its time to leave so many things behind, its time to try to be another person, to try to have another life......feeling its enough of this stupid life where all the time i create problems to the ones who are closest to me......feeling everything is losing its meaning, im getting older and older and havent grown up yet and havent learnt yet how to be happy and how to make other people happy.......feeling that silly child who years ago tried to survive in the middle of tears and fears, that silly child who constantly disturbed everybody who was around her, that silly child who felt she didnt belong to this world, that silly child is still here inside my soul, and cant get rid of her, cant get rid of me.........i should make something, but i cant.........i cant........i know i should change, change everything, change all my life, i should try to be another person, sometimes im so fed up of me...........im so tired of feeling that peoples lives would be much better without me in their lives........i feel its time to go........sometimes i feel i should go away, forever......

this world is better without me, im sure of it.........

oh my God, may i die during one week and then come back again to check if my life has made some difference? to check if somebody has noticed my absence and has missed me?

im feeling so bad, bloody hell :-(

and i know i wont have that hug that im always needing so much when im feeling so bad.......

My new blog in Vox

2007-09-07T10:37:00.000+01:00

Well, here i am again talking and talking for nobody lol

my poll closed and only two votes there......but well, at least, they were good votes so i must say the result was 100% positive lol and no i havent voted in my poll, i promise :-)

here is an image of my poor poll lol

ive now a new blog in Vox, its nothing special but its one more little corner in internet that belongs to me :-) to be honest, i had no idea of having a new blog, ive already this one and RW one too, so when ive some time or patience, i prefer to dedicate it to them :-)

but my friend Jenny McKay has a blog there and i wanted to comment it so i had to join the Vox comunity, then i noticed i could also have a blog and i didnt lose that chance..........they have there something very cool, maybe for the bloggers who dont know very well what to write about lol..........its a different question they make everydays so people can answer to it in their blogs.....they also suggest the theme for an image to post in the blogs, and i think thats a fantastic idea :-)

then i enjoyed playing around with the design of my new blog, thats always a cool thing to do, i must confess :-)

here is the banner ive made:

i hope people will enjoy reading my new blog and watching some things i post there :-)

About the fires in Greece...

2007-08-27T20:19:00.000+01:00

"Fires are burning in more than half the country," said fire department spokesman Nikos Diamandis. "This is definitely an unprecedented disaster for Greece."

How is this possible??? we are in the 21th century and there has been such a development in technology, in science, and we still have such awful things like these fires in Greece??? half of the country burning, almost 70 people died because of them, houses, farms and lands destroyed, how is this possible??? a lady saw the flames approaching her house and she ran away from them with her 4 children........but the house didnt burn and she was found later very far away, burned to death and hugging her dead children........people said that if she hadnt run away from her house, she and her children would be still alive now............nooooooooooooo!!! i cant accept this!!!

i dont believe the governors of that country are not able to fight agaisnt this disaster, sorry but i cant believe..........PLEASE DO SOMETHING!!!! I BELIEVE YOU CAN FINISH WITH ALL THESE AWFUL FIRES!!!

i only can send to all greeks my positive thoughts and my prays........and i wish that very soon peace will be back to such a beautiful country......

smoke in Greece :-(

To give and to receive

2007-08-27T02:17:00.000+01:00

I havent written here for ages, well at least it looks like that lol :-)

im happy because i had here in my poll my first vote and a positive vote! not many days left to vote and only one vote but at least its a good vote :-) (and i promise it wasnt me voting there) so thanks so much to the one who voted in my poll and who enjoys my blog and a big hug to that nice person, whoever they are :-)

then i wanted to ask a question but i think theres no answer for it.....

why in this world there are so many people who think that all nice things somebody makes are made with the intention of receiving something in return? why people dont believe that there are some people, there are some occasions, when a nice attitude doesnt need anything in return, or maybe only a smile and a bit of joy?

kids are wise, even animals are wise........they are nice to us only to receive a hug, a smile, a nice word.........or they are nice to us simply because they want to be nice, they enjoy being nice :-)

why we the adults, we are so complicated? why we receive a nice thing and the first thing we think is: why are they making this to me? which are their intentions? are they thinking i must pay this back, but how? maybe its better to refuse this offer.....maybe its better not accept nice things from this person because ive nothing to give back or maybe they will ask for things i dont want to give.........

and then i think why this world is so sad.......because people dont accept simple and nice things and gestures, people are afraid of them........and if they dont accept those things, they also refuse to make simple and nice things to the others........for them, its easy to buy and sell, they see the money come, they see the money go, and that doesnt scare them........but if, instead of money, theres a relationship, there are feelings, people simply run away from them.......they need to see whats behind an attitude, whats behind a little present.........but those things arent visible to the eye, they are only visible to the heart.......and people dont like things that are not visible to the eye, maybe because they are insecure.......or maybe because they are afraid of believing in the bright side of life..........they are afraid of believing in the good side of everybody.........

its so nice to give.....since very young i always loved to give, and sometimes i wished i was very rich so i could give special presents to all special people in my life.........and i must say that everytime i give a present to somebody, the only thing i want in return is their joy of having that present :-) i think thats more than enough, and that makes me so happy too.......

but sadly this world has so many mean people, who are so cruel and selfish, thats not very easy to believe in good actions and in good words, isnt it?

but sometimes we should give a try, i think :-)

Forever Young

2007-08-11T02:22:00.000+01:00

I was in my 20s when i listened to this song and i always loved it so much...........more than 20 years passed by and i keep loving it as the first time i listened to it........Forever Young..........beauty is always young, isnt it? good things are always good, even when the time passes.............this song and this video always touched my heart, really dont know why........or maybe because it talks about a dream of every human being, the dream of being eternally young, the dream of living forever...............the last bit, when the trumpet plays, is my favorite one, i always put the music louder in that bit and i always ask people around me to let me listen to it :-)

its funny how so much time has passed and my heart has the same feelings that had more than 20 years ago........oh my God, i wish so much i was 20 again!..........but i didnt want to go back in past, not at all..............i remember that time my life was really hard, i had very bad moments, mainly because of my father.......maybe one of the best things i had in those times was the music..........i loved the music of the 80s, i was so much time listening to it, specially the english pop and rock...............it was a golden era of the music, many people say it and i agree with them..........even today i keep loving so many songs of those times........ :-)

yeah, it would be so great if i was young again, young forever.........life would be so much better, im sure............so many chances i lost when i was young, because of my life, i could have them again..............so many things that keep hurting me today, maybe would disappear.........so many wounds the past gave to my heart, maybe could be fixed now...........only because i would be young again, and i would have new chances now to start everything again............

but, its only a dream, isnt it?

as the song says: Its so hard to get old without a cause/I dont want to perish like a fading horse
.............

here is this beautiful video, and the beautiful lyrics of this wonderful song:

Forever Young
(Alphaville)

Lets dance in style, lets dance for a while
Heaven can wait were only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?

Let us die young or let us live forever
We dont have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The musics for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders were getting in tune
The musics played by the madmen

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why dont they stay young

Its so hard to get old without a cause
I dont want to perish like a fading horse
Youth is like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldnt happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue
We let them come true

I NEED TO CRY!

2007-08-05T00:24:00.000+01:00

I DONT NEED FAVOURS!

I DONT NEED PEOPLE WHO ARE ONLY WITH ME BECAUSE THEY FEEL PITY OF ME!

I ONLY NEED PEOPLE WHO REALLY LOVE ME AND CARE ABOUT ME!

IF SOMEBODY DOESNT LOVE ME, IF THEY REALLY DONT CARE ABOUT ME, IF THEY FEEL IM TOO MUCH IN THEIR LIFE, IF THEY THINK I DONT BELONG TO THEIR WORLD, IF THEY FEELTHAT IVE NO SPACE IN THEIR HEART.......

SO PLEASE, BE SINCERE AND TELL ME THAT!!!

I WILL LEAVE THEM IN PEACE, I PROMISE! I WILL NEVER MORE BOTHER THEM!

BECAUSE I REALLY DONT NEED FAVOURS!!!

oh my God! i want to disappear!!!

(i should have the courage to go away........)

Missing

2007-08-04T02:12:00.000+01:00

Only a little post here to tell that i miss so much all good moments i had in my life with people who were (and still are) so special for me and to whom i thought i was special too.....

good moments that are gone and will never come back again.....

life changes, people change........only me doesnt change......i keep needing those moments as i needed when they happened.......and i keep missing them so much :-(

but well, thats life, isnt it?

maybe i should change too.....so it wouldnt hurt so much........

i only needed to tell this......

nothing more......

New stuff in my blog

2007-07-26T20:45:00.000+01:00

Maybe i need to get a life lol because im puting things in my blog that maybe nobody will see lol but today i decided to add some things :-)

i added two radios: one is the Spiritual Connextions Radio that belongs to the Spiritual Connextions site (a great site dedicated to spiritualism and to all people all over the world interested in this subject) and this radio is, till now, the only online radio also all connected with spiritualism.......it has a very good choice of songs and it also has interviews to famous spiritualists, live shows and interesting programmes about this subject.......

the other radio, i created it today in a portuguese site dedicated to music......its called Cotonete, funny name lol..........i chose the kind of music i prefer and i wish people will enjoy the songs there :-) i prepared it to play when this page is opened but sadly this radio cant be listened in Firefox browsers, only in Internet Explorer........anyway, if you want to listen to Spiritual Connextions Radio or to any video posted in my blog, better first turn off this radio which i called Blue Station :-)

the other thing i added to my blog is a poll.......in this first poll i ask people what do they think about my blog..........well, i hope somebody will answer to it, because me, as the creator of this blog, i cant answer lol...........anyway i gave more than one month to the end of the poll.......now, please be honest! im curious to know your opinion :-D

Our earth

2007-07-25T11:06:00.000+01:00

I found today in internet the impressions that the astronauts made about what they felt when they saw the earth from the moon......and they are really amazing.........in fact, must be an unique experience to see our beautiful planet from so far, and only see its beauty............it looks like theres no bad things in this world, no pain, no hate, we live altogether in the same planet, a very fragile one but plenty of wonderful things all around us :-)

ASTRONAUT'S IMPRESSIONS ON VIEWING
THE EARTH FROM THE MOON
---------------------------------------- ----------------------
"The view of the earth from the moon fascinated me - a small disk, 240,000 miles away. It was hard to think that little thing held so many frustrations. Raging nationalistic interests, famines, wars, pestilence don't show from that distance....If some stranger came from another part of the heavens, he would certainly know instinctively ...that the destinies of all who lived on it must inevitably be interwoven and joined. We are one hunk of ground, water, air, clouds, floating around in space. From out there it really is one world."
----- Frank Borman, commander of Apollo 8, the first lunar mission

"The soft, glowing presence of planet Earth in the black abyss had a pristine clarity uncaptured by photographs. Images on film lack the subtle shades, the brightness, and the depth of the living sphere, which bulged out of the blackness as I sailed outward on Apollo 11... From the deep blue of the Mediterranean, all of Europe and Africa sprawled away in soft pastels, innocent of political boundaries. And from the surface of the moon, where I could cover with my thumb the site of all human history, the Earth seemed fragile as a Christmas ornament, drifting like a lost balloon on the black velvet of space. The image of a living Earth, capable of extinction, disarms illusions of individual or tribal isolation. We gained more than altitude in those 66 years from Kitty Hawk to the moon. Seeing Earth not as an extension of man, but man as an extension of Earth."
----- Buzz Aldrin, lunar-module pilot of Apollo 11

"It was something so awe-inspiring you had to sneak a glance at it every chance you got." ...[Seeing the Earth from that vantage point convinced him it must have been created by a higher power.]... "It's too beautiful to have happened by accident. To me, it was like sitting on God's back porch, looking back home."
----- Gene Cernan, Commander Apollo 10

A sad story

2007-07-24T10:22:00.000+01:00

I received this sad story months ago in my email box and today i found it and i will post it here because its very touching........

“Boy, I am really easy to touch ...

I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying "I'm sorry you do not have enough money to buy the doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It is the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus cannot bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mummy so that she can give it to her when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mummy will also go to see God very soon, so I thought that she could bring the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mummy not to go yet. I asked him to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I also want mummy to take this photo with her so that she will not forget me."

"I love my mummy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister"

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and took a few notes and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you have enough money?''

"Ok" he said "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money."

Then he looked at me and added "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mummy can give it to my sister. He heard me.''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mummy, but I didn't dare to ask God too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and the white rose.''

"You know, my mummy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I
started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to get out of the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the Funeral Home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place water-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk man had taken all this away from him.”

Luna

2007-07-20T11:21:00.000+01:00

When i was in the World New 7 Wonders show, one of the artists invited to sing there was Alessandro Safina........till then, i havent heard much about him, so i was ignoring what was going to happen........only who was there can understand what i felt.......when he started to sing his wonderful song Luna in that beautiful stadium, the magnificent music coming from everywhere, it was like a dream, and in some bits, the highest moments of the song, the most touching, i confess i even felt a cold in my spine..........

its a very special song and its sung in a very special way.......and even being spoken in italian, i understand most things that are said there........italian is one of my favourite languages, it belongs to my 3 favourite languages (the portuguese, the english and the italian).........its such a sweet and romantic and beautiful language, i think :-)

and that song also talks about the moon, thats a planet i love, it has so much importance in my life, it gives us company in the night, it shows how in different places in the world so many people can be watching at the same time the same moon and how that connects those people who are so far away from one anothers...........

so i thought that song deserved a post here in my blog, and i will put here its lyrics both in italian and in english, and ill put two videos i found in YouTube, one its the original video and other one its a great video with wonderful images of the moon :-)

Luna
(Alessandro Safina)

Only you can hear my soul
Only you can hear my soul

Luna tu
Quanti sono i canti che hai ascoltato gia
Desideri che attraverso i secoli
Han solcato il cielo per raggiungerti
Porto per poeti che non scrivono
E che il loro sennospesso perdono
Tu accogli i sospiri di chi spasima
E regali un sogno ad ogni anima
Luna che mi guardi adesso ascoltami

Only you can hear my soul

Luna tu
Che conosci il tempo delléternita
E il sentiero stretto della verita
Fa piu luce dentro questo Cuore mio
Questo cuore d’uomo che non sa, non sa

Che l’amore puo nascondere il dolore
Come un fuoco ti puo brucaire l’amima

Luna tu
Tu rischiari il cielo e la sua immensita
E ci mostri solo la meta che vuoi
Come poi facciama quasi sempre noi
Angeli di creta che non volano
Anime di carta che si incendiano
Couri come foglie che poi cadono
Sogni fatti d’aria che svaniscono
Figli della terra e figli tuoi che sai

Che l’amore puo nascondere il dolore
Come un fuoco ti puo brucaire l’amima
Che l’amore puo nascondere il dolore

Ma e con l’amore che respira il nostro cuore
E la forza che tutto muove e illumina

Only you can hear my soul

Alba lux, diva mea, diva es silentissima

English Translation

(Only you can hear my soul)

Oh Moon
how many songs you have listened
wishes that wandered the centuries
cutting the heavens to reach you
refuge for poets that never wrote
and all those thrown into lunacy
you invite the sights of lovers
and give a dream to all souls
moon, who guides me, listen now

(Only you can hear my soul)

Oh moon
who you know time and eternity
and the narrow walk of truth
send more light into this heart of mine
the heart of a man who doesn't know, oh doesn't know

that love can hide pain inside
like a fire that will destroy your soul

(Only you can hear my soul)

Oh moon
you light the heavens in their infinity
you show only what pleases you
just like we do every time
angels made of clay, inable to fly
souls made of paper, that will burn
wilted like leaves, that fall
dreams made of wind, that will fade
children of the earth, children of the moon, that know

that love can hide pain inside
like a fire that will destroy your soul

(Chorus sings latin: light of the dawn, my goddess, my so silent goddess)

but it's love our heart beats with
and love is the force that moves and illuminates everything

(Chorus sings latin: light of the dawn, my goddess, my so silent goddess)

(http://lilyhbp.deviantart.com/)

My desert

2007-07-19T16:18:00.000+01:00

My heart is like a desert
where the only voice I hear
is my own voice

Walking for years
among dunes all alike

The sand is hot
but my soul feels so cold
And at night
I can't see any stars in the sky

I think it's too late
to find my flower
in this desert

I think it's too late
to find my oasis
that will save me

But I will keep walking
and walking
until my feet hurt
until I have no more strength

And one day
I will give up
of looking for nothing
in this desert

The desert of my life

Anonymous

You Are So Beautiful to Me

2007-07-19T01:56:00.000+01:00

Today this song doesnt leave my head.......why is it?

You Are So Beautiful to Me
(Joe Cocker)

You are so beautiful
To me
You are so beautiful
To me
Can't you see
You're everything I hoped for
You're everything I need
You are so beautiful
To me

Such joy and happiness you bring
Such joy and happiness you bring
Like a dream
A guiding light that shines in the night
Heavens gift to me
You are so beautiful
To me

About the airplane accident in Brazil

2007-07-19T00:46:00.000+01:00

I feel so sad with what happened today in Brazil, that awful airplane accident, so many people who died.......and their families who were already there in the airport waiting for them, and suddenly this happens, oh my God it must have been so painful for all them.......

a few days ago, brazilians had such a great joy when the Chirst Redeemer statue was elected one of the World 7 Wonders, so happy and proud they must have felt, i also was happy for them, because Brazil is our brother country..........and today this horrible accident happens........all the country is now crying for all the victims......

it seems people have no right to be happy........it seems they must pay for the good things they have........is this fair?

sometimes life is so, so unfair :-(

i wish all those people who died today are now resting in peace, and i wish all their families will be strong enough to handle all this pain they are feeling now......

+

Emerald Wave

2007-07-18T03:15:00.000+01:00

A beautiful image for today, i found it in internet, its called Emerald Wave.....

maybe the best image to stop a bit and enjoy it and forget all things in our lives that annoy us......and only feel the beauty of this sea.........the silence of an image that says so much......

goodnight to everybody who spends a little time of their lives reading my messages in this blog :-)

My birthday message........

2007-07-16T11:55:00.000+01:00

I need to write something but dont know what, im just feeling so bad, im feeling sad, i want this day to finish quickly, im not enjoying this day, im so fed up of everything, i wanted to go away forever, i wanted to hide somewhere and cry the whole day, im not happy with me, im not happy with the world, i feel lost, i feel im being silly, im stupid, im getting old and the world doesnt need me, its hurting my head and im tired of crying, where is my rainbow? where is my sunshine? where is my reason of living? what am i doing here? why my nights are so dark? where are my stars? where are my angels? theres a music somewhere but i cant listen to it.....why?......i feel im walking in a desert for days, months, years, and i havent found yet a simple drop of water.......im thirsty, im so thirsty......people say theres a fountain somewhere, a fountain with fresh water, but i know theres no fountain, and even if i find one, i will realise its dry.......and it never had water in it, i know it........dreaming about something i never had, dreaming about something i will never have........does love exist? i dont believe in love.........wheres happiness? theres so much pain in this stupid world.......in this moment, so many people hurting so many other people, so many innocent children crying............so many people being cruel to so many animals........so many trees dying and dying............stupid world where i live, im so tired of everything, im so tired of me, im hating this day, why theres a day where people celebrate the day they were born? only very special people should deserve a day like that, where they will be surrounded by people in which lives they have made a difference........ive not made any difference in any people life.........world isnt better with me here, world would be better without me here, but ive no courage to go away..........im so selfish, im breathing an air i dont deserve, i dont belong to this world........."the language of love" Robbie Williams said now in his song Misunderstood, whats that? birds are singing outside, maybe thats the only language of love........

i think im needing a hug right now........

The little prince - Chapter 6

2007-07-16T02:59:00.000+01:00

Oh, little prince! Bit by bit I came to understand the secrets of your sad little life . . . For a long time you had found your only entertainment in the quiet pleasure of looking at the sunset. I learned that new detail on the morning of the fourth day, when you said to me:

"I am very fond of sunsets. Come, let us go look at a sunset now."

"But we must wait," I said.

"Wait? For what?"

"For the sunset. We must wait until it is time."

At first you seemed to be very much surprised. And then you laughed to yourself. You said to me:

"I am always thinking that I am at home!"

Just so. Everybody knows that when it is noon in the United States the sun is setting over France.

If you could fly to France in one minute, you could go straight into the sunset, right from noon. Unfortunately, France is too far away for that. But on your tiny planet, my little prince, all you need do is move your chair a few steps. You can see the day end and the twilight falling whenever you like . . .

"One day," you said to me, "I saw the sunset forty-four times!"

And a little later you added:

"You know--one loves the sunset, when one is so sad . . ."

"Were you so sad, then?" I asked, "on the day of the forty-four sunsets?"

But the little prince made no reply.

happy birthday to me...........

About my birthday tomorrow :-(

2007-07-15T02:09:00.000+01:00

So tomorrow its my birthday, one more day in my life, one more year, me getting older and older, and when i look backwards i realise how silly has been my life, how little i have made in this world.......most people make a difference in the world, starting for making a difference in other peoples lives, but i feel i have not been making any difference in any life of all people i know...........i believe all people i know very easily would live without my presence in their lives......and maybe some of them would feel really reliefed with my absence, i feel it :-(

usually my birthday is always my favourite day of the year......because in that day, i feel a bit special, my closest family and friends remembering me and calling me to wish me a happy day, or giving me nice presents, and writing to me cards with sweet messages, or making me wonderful surprises.....or simply being with me and giving me all their love.........and then the "cake moment" when i feel really special, everybody clapping at me :-) also in that day i know i dont need to prepare anything, as it happens in other parties, where i always have lots of things to organise, and i feel always so responsible if i forget something or somebody lol

but this year, dont know why, i feel my birthday will be really crap.....i know im being unfair because my family who loves me so much, will be here with me, as they always are, always, in the good and in the bad moments, i know it..........but im not talking about them, im talking about me, i feel my stupid dark clouds decided to invade my heart and they wont go away, specially in my birthday.........ive this sad feeling that something very important to me is missing, its always missing, and how can i feel happy with that?

its funny how my life is like a jigsaw, and in that jigsaw of 3.000 pieces theres a little piece missing.......and instead of being happy with the 2.999 pieces i already have, i insist on thinking only about the one thats missing.........is this fair?

i know its my fault, i should fight against this feeling, i should try to do something, but i simply cant! i feel i needed something that would give me enough strength to make a difference not only in my life but also in the lives of the ones around me..........

and time keeps passing, years keep going, and here i am in the middle of nowhere waiting for nothing..........and one day its too late, i will go away and in my last seconds i know it, i will regret all my life, all my feelings, all my thoughts, all my actions.........but it will be too late and i wont have more time to change things, to change myself........

and the world will keep turning round as if i have never existed........

and people will keep living their lives as if i had never made part of them......

will anybody really miss me when i will go away?

Feel

2007-07-14T01:47:00.000+01:00

One of Robbie Williams best songs, so romantic and beautiful and so touching :-)

and i love the lyrics because they say so well what im feeling in some moments of my life.........

i will post here the lyrics and a video of his amazing performance in Knebworth, and i will dedicate it to a very, very special friend whos very far, but its always on my mind :-)

FEEL

Come and hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living.
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given.

I sit and talk to god
And he just laughs at my plans,
My head speaks a language,
I don’t understand.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins,
going to waste.

I don’t wanna die,
But I ain’t keen on living either.
Before I fall in love,
I’m preparing to leave her.

I scare myself to death,
That’s why I keep on running.
Before I’ve arrived,
I can see myself coming.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins,
going to waste.

And I need to feel real love
And a life ever after.
I cannot get enough.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in,
I got too much love,
Running through my veins,
going to waste.

I just wanna feel real love,
In a life ever after
There’s a hole in my soul,
You can see it in my face,
it’s a real big place.

Come and hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living,
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given

Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.

Friday 13th and other numbers

2007-07-13T10:08:00.000+01:00

Today is Friday 13th and its funny how so many people dont like this day saying its a day of bad luck..........only because its Friday and the 13th day of the month lol

thanks God, ive not this superstition, as i dont have so many other superstitions, such as not opening umbrellas inside home, or avoiding to pass below a ladder or being afraid of black cats........oh my God what should i do because one of my cats is black? lol.........and i love her so much and she gives so much joys to me :-)

(Titó, my beautiful and lovely black cat)

but its funny because there is something i keep making, cant avoid that, its to knock on wood everytime people talk about things that im afraid it may happen, i know its so stupid but cant avoid that lol

but the Friday 13th i really dont mind about it, i even like the number 13, its a cool number, maybe my second favorite number, because my first one is the 8 :-)

i love the number 8 its the coolest of all, now please dont ask me why because i dont know why :-) i remember my 8th birthday when i received a yellow ball and i loved playing with it with my sisters lol......but i dont believe thats the reason, its a cool number all round, it recalls me a snowman, the zero is also round but its boring all equal but the 8 recalls the infinit, the 8 also includes all numbers in it, we can see that in a calculator, when theres no number in the little monitor, which number we can see there? the 8 and with it we can type all the other numbers, thats so cool!

8 is also the number that from 0 to 10 we can divide more times in equal parts, 8 we can divide in 8, in 4, in 2 and in 1, no other number has that privilege :-)

well, im not sure why i like so much the number 8, maybe i should prefer the 7, because my birthday its in July, the 7th month, and because the 7 is a number plenty of meanings, but dont know why i prefer the 8.......even in pool games my favorite ball is the black one with the 8 :-)

and why the icon of the "cool" is made with an 8? ------> 8-)

so today its Friday 13th and i must not forget to play the Euromillions, i hope it will give me luck :-)

(and as usual, one of my numbers will be the 8.......but today i will also chose the 13!)

wish me luck :-)

*crossing fingers and toes*

About the New 7 Wonders show

2007-07-13T02:49:00.000+01:00

I havent written here yet about the wonderful event of the New 7 Wonders where i had the luck to be watching live :-)

i loved it so much, it was a show plenty of light and music and colour and visual effects and fireworks, it was a very special moment, plenty of emotion, those moments that are unique in our lives and that we will never forget.........

40 000 people in the Stadium and 1,6 millions spectators all over the world!

Portugal was chosen for this event because its considered a safe country with a stable politics, its known for organizing very well these kind of events, and because Portugal in the past had a main importance in the discovery of new lands all over the world......

thats why i feel so proud because i was born in a country that not only has great qualities as a country and as a people, but also it has such a great History :-) in the past we had the courage to go away to the sea and to go to far places where nobody has been before.......and during the trips we didnt know the dangers that were waiting for us........we have a very brave History :-)

in the first partof the show, it was the election of the portuguese 7 Wonders, and i must say ive voted in most of them :-)

here is the list:

Mosteiro de Alcobaça
(Alcobaça Monastery)

Mosteiro dos Jerónimos (Lisboa)
(Jerónimos Monastery-Lisbon)

Palácio da Pena (Sintra)
(Pena Palace-Sintra)

Mosteiro da Batalha
(Batalha Monastery)

Castelo de Óbidos
(Óbidos Castle)

Torre de Belém (Lisboa)
(Belém Tower-Lisbon)

Castelo de Guimarães
(Guimarães Castle)

such wonderful monuments, indeed :-D

in the second part, the New 7 Wonders of the world were finally elected:

The Great Wall, China
Petra, Jordan
Christ Redemeer, Brazil
Machu Picchu, Peru
Chichén Itzá, Mexico
The Roman Colosseum, Italy
The Taj Mahal, India

here is the information about the New 7 Wonders:

The New7Wonders organization is happy to announce the following 7 candidates have been elected to represent global heritage throughout history. The listing is in random order, as announced at the Declaration Ceremony on 07.07.07. All the New 7 Wonders are equal and are presented as a group without any ranking.

Official New 7 Wonders of the World status is subject to a final validation process, and will be confirmed during a forthcoming New7Wonders Inauguration Tour.

and here is a little film i found in YouTube about this wonderful show :-)

Image

2007-07-12T11:00:00.001+01:00

My sister Ceu sent now to me this picture saying that it made her recall me :-)
such a wonderful image isnt it?
and it says so much.......

Don't think

2007-07-12T02:36:00.000+01:00

Don't think
Don't think about things that hurt you
Don't think about how you are feeling right now
Don't think about where you would like to be now
Don't think about what you would like to be doing now
Don't think about the ones you love and you miss
Don't think about dreams you know they will never come true
Don't think about smiles you can't smile
Don't think about joys you can't have
Don't think about hugs you can't share
Don't think about anything that makes you suffer
That makes you cry

Don't think
Just try not to think
Even only for one second

...

Life is so wonderful now, isnt it?

Anonymous

Angels

2007-07-10T10:44:00.000+01:00

...and when love...
...and when love is dead...
...and when love is dead, I'm loving...
...and when love is dead, I'm loving angels...
...and when love is dead, I'm loving angels instead...

I need my angels.....

where are they?

please dont leave me......

Anybody knows...?

2007-07-09T03:11:00.000+01:00

Anybody knows the feeling that the sky is so blue and bright, the sun is so warm and nice, and suddenly, for some reason we ignore, theres a dark cloud that appears and it hides the sun behind it, and it insists in being there, the sky gets dark, so dark, and you feel cold, so much cold, as if everything inside your body and your soul had frozen?

anybody knows this feeling?

anybody knows the feeling that suddenly, for some reason we ignore, a big emptiness enters your heart, and you want to have positive thoughts but you simply cant have them, you feel your empty heart invaded by an enormous sadness and you cant avoid your tears?

anybody knows this feeling?

Chinese proverb

2007-07-05T00:26:00.000+01:00

I love this chinese proverb, so true and wise :-)

About money

With money you can buy a house, but not a home.
With money you can buy a clock, but not time.
With money you can buy a bed, but not sleep.
With money you can buy a book, but not knowledge.
With money you can see a doctor, but not good health.
With money you can buy a position, but not respect.
With money you can buy blood, but not life.
With money you can buy sex, but not love.

The New 7 Wonders of the World

2007-07-04T16:50:00.000+01:00

Im so happy because this Saturday 07/07/2007 it will be in my dear Estádio da Luz the ceremony of the new 7 Wonders :-)

it will be a wonderful moment plenty of meaning not only historical but also artistic, and its important for all mankind.........it will be watched in every television all over the world and ILL BE THERE! :-D

to be honest im very proud because Portugal was chosen for this important ceremony and the place was the stadium of my dear Benfica team, thats the most beautiful stadium all over the world i must say :-)

the tickets are very expensive so i bought the cheapest ones for me and my sister and my nephew but i dont mind to be far from the enormous stage, as long as im there :-D

we will have there lots of artists and known people, lots of visual effects and fireworks, it will be a very special moment, unique, and i feel so happy because i had the luck to find tickets for me and my family :-)

months ago i voted in the 7 Wonders, one of them were the Pyramides of Gisa (Egypt), but after that they decided to give to them a special honour and i agree with them because, in my opinion, they are the most important Wonder of all.......as the votes depend on people all over the world who are still voting, i was afraid that for some reason my dear Pyramides couldnt be chosen and it would be really unfair........but now, they have this special honour that they deserve so much, and i think that was a wonderful idea :-)

i also voted in the Acropolis (Greece), Christ Redeemer (Brazil), Easter Island Statues (Chile), Stonehenge (UK), Taj Mahal (India).......cant remember very well the last one lol, ive voted so long ago, but i think it was the Kremlin (Russia) but im not sure lol

it will be an event that only in 2.000 years it will organised again so i must say that i feel very proud for watching live to this historical ceremony.........and its also important because they will chose there too the portuguese new 7 Wonders :-)

i think they chose Lisbon for this event because its called the City of the 7 Hills :-) that would be so cool, isnt it?!

the ceremony of the 7 Wonders in the 7 of July (7th month of the year) of 2007 in the City of the 7 Hills :-)

here is all the information about it:

The New 7 Wonders of the World will be announced during the Official Declaration ceremony in Lisbon, Portugal on Saturday, July 7, 2007 - 07.07.07.

Register now for live streaming broadcast from Lisbon.

Show information
The event will take place at Portugal's largest venue, the Estadio da Luz in Lisbon. The international event will start at 21:30 (9:30 p.m.) local time, ending at 23 (11 p.m.). Your ticket also allows you to attend the national event which begins at 20:30 (8:30 p.m.) ( The stadium opens at 18:30 (6:30 p.m.). The international show, which will include award-presentation appearances by Hilary Swank, Ben Kingsley, Bipasha Basu, Cristiano Ronaldo, Neil Armstrong and Bertrand Piccard, and also will feature performances by Chaka Khan, Jennifer Lopez, Jose Carreras, Alessandro Safina, Joaquín Cortés, and Dulce Pontes, among others.

The Portuguese event agency Realizar Impact Marketing, known for its innovative, international multimedia, will create and produce the event on July 7, 2007, which will be broadcast around the world.

More thoughts for today

2007-06-30T03:53:00.000+01:00

Create Continuously
Every day is an opportunity to be creative - the canvas is your mind, the brushes and colours are your thoughts and feelings, the panorama is your story, the complete picture is a work of art called, 'my life'. Be careful what you put on the canvas of your mind today - it matters.

Truth
To follow someone else's truth is a trap. The best strategy is to know your own truth, face it and live by it. Others may inspire, guide, give you directions, but ultimately you have to cut your own way through the jungle. You could always be asking others where North is, and they will tell you. Someone will say North is this way and someone else that North is that other way - and both would have been sincere. But you alone has to find your true North.

Judge Not
At times you may feel yourself to be the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities. Try not to judge them - things aren't always what they seem. And it could be worse. You could be them!

Truth
There is no need to prove the truth. Truth is such a sun that it cannot remain hidden. No matter how many walls come in front of it, the light of the truth cannot remain hidden.

Near Contentment
When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near contentment.

Learn A Lesson
Instead of being afraid in a delicate situation, learn a lesson from it and make yourself strong.

Home is where the hurt is....

2007-06-28T01:53:00.000+01:00

Its funny because i need to talk but i really dont know what to say......usually when i feel a bit down or lost i come here and i talk about my feelings and then i feel a bit better........even knowing that nobody will answer to me lol.........

its not nice to have arguements with the ones we love, but the closer we are to somebody, the more we hurt them and the more they hurt us..........i have already talked about this here once..........and ive said that this isnt fair........as Robbie Williams said in his lyrics of Spread Your Wings "Home is where the hurt is"...........that means that to love means to suffer............

happily, when people really love us, those bad moments pass quickly and all tears we have cried soon get dry.........love is the disease but love is also the cure :-)

i was feeling today really miserable and sometimes i think i exagerated because there was no reason to feel the way i was feeling.........but in those moments the first memories that come to my head is those past moments when i was still a child and very often all my little world around me was against me and rejected me...........and i felt that nobody loved me and that i didnt belong to this world..........those ghosts never leave me in peace, i know it..........and they attack me when i feel more fragile :-(

sometimes i feel that life is a punishement.........everything wrong we make in the past we will pay for it sooner or later.......things we regret, things we know we shouldnt have never made, we know that we will be punished for them..........and when our life gets a bit difficult, we know, its our past errors that are still there, even if we dont want to.........

always the ghosts from the past, isnt it?

people are not perfect and are always making mistakes........some with not much importance, others really bad...........and we keep regreting them all our lives.........and once again i remember Robs lyrics in his wonderful song No Regrets "No regrets / they don't work / No regrets / they only hurt"

well, ive already talked a bit about what im feeling now............i think that the next time that i will read this post i will realise how silly and not logical are my words and my thoughts lol..........but maybe now im feeling a bit better.........im not sure..........

:-)

2007-06-16T02:04:00.001+01:00

I know that nobody comes here to read my posts, but i need to say that today im feeling better thanks God :-)

yesterday night i was feeling really weird, not only physically but also psychologically, cant understand what was happening with me.........i took a pain killer and then i went to bed......sadly my night wasnt very good because i was all night awakening, but during the day i slept a bit, then i took my coffee, and after that, slower and slower, i was fine again..........

in my blog yesterday i know ive said some silly things that maybe i shouldnt have said...........but the fact is that sometimes there are so dark clouds inside my heart that some things i simply cant see very well :-/ and in those moments im always afraid that some great things i have in my life, doesnt exist...........im afraid that im not loved by the ones i love........im afraid that the ones i care about, dont really care about me..............but those dark clouds dont let me see some good and bright things that i should never forget...........

i wish so much i never had those awful dark clouds in my heart, because they always make me feel so bad............

:-(

2007-06-15T02:54:00.000+01:00

Im feeling so weird, something strange inside me......im feeling cold, my body hurting as if somebody had punched me :-( i feel as if i had fiever, its so strange.......my head so heavy.........my throat hurting...........sometimes ive these feelings and then i go to bed and the next day im fine again.....but im feeling sad inside my heart too, i needed to tell something here in my blog before i explode.......i feel as if im being punished for something bad ive made.......i needed to cry but i dont want to, im so tired of crying..........sometimes im so tired of everything...........i need to look after my cats, i love them so much, i know they would feel so sad and lost if i went away..............who would take care of them? who would talk to them as i do? im so coward, always looking for excuses to not make what i should make.............and my family? they love me but soon they would get used to my absence..........but maybe they are the only human beings on earth who really love me and who really would miss me...........and i love them so much.............4 people without whom i couldnt live.....................what about my friends? do i have friends??? whats a friend??? friends love to meet friends, love to be with them.......friends dont treat friends as if they felt repugnance for them...............whats a friend by the way??? dont know whats that, to be honest...........so many times ive the feeling ive great friends, beautiful actions and words that make me think "hey im special for this person :-) "..........and thats so great, so wonderful, as if the sky had always plenty of shining stars in the darkest night...........and it makes me feel happy, it makes me feel life is worth it...........but suddenly strange things happen and i feel i was wrong............i feel as if i was a 3 years old child who only created imaginary friends to fight against their loneliness............

oh my God, im feeling so bad........

i needed to talk, only that.....

sorry...........

maybe tomorrow i will feel better.........

:-(

More thoughts for today

2007-06-11T20:20:00.000+01:00

I keep receiving everydays in my email box the thoughts of the day and ive chosed some to post here in my blog :-)
here they are:

Grain Of Sand
It is not the mountains ahead that wear you out. It's the grain of sand in your shoe.

Silence Is Gold
If speech is silver, silence is gold. When you must speak, speak a few words, speak sweetly and softly. That is the way to reach a listener's heart.

Full Of Peace
Stay full of peace yourself and know that this peace will reach your loved ones and ultimately the whole world.

Anger
Anger is an acid that does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored rather than to the person on whom it is poured.

Self Respect
Rather than be concerned with what others think of you, concern yourself with what you think of yourself. The greatest fortune is to know who you are and who you need not to be.

Plain Sailing
The wind may blow from any direction, but the direction in which you go depends on how you set your sails.

Inner Beauty
"Wow...that's beautiful!" Is either a cry or a thought when faced with the mountain sunset, a spectacular view or a well formed man or woman. But where is the beauty, where is the appreciation of beauty, where is the ability to discern beauty? It is within our own consciousness. For the essence of who and what we are is beauty itself. The essence of beauty is not found in the body, a face or a mountain - they only stir the essence of beauty within our own spirit. And that beauty is not only something we taste within ourselves, but it emerges in our character as virtue, and in our life as care. For what is virtue, but love in action. The next time you say, "That's beautiful!" know that you speak of yourself, and it is you who are beautiful. Always were, always will be.

Be Good
Do not try to be great, try to be good, for being good is great.

Radiate Happiness
Have you ever noticed that happiness is not a dependency, it is a decision? You don't actually need anything to be happy. It's not something that comes from outside, it comes from inside, and when you radiate a happy energy you'll be amazed what it attracts into your life. Don't worry, be happy...sound familiar? Decide now, be happy, and watch magic begin to enter your life.

Failure
Failure doesn't mean - God has abandoned you. It means - God has a better way for you.

Eternal Star
There is a part of you that is perfect and pure. It is untouched by the less-than-perfect characteristics you have acquired by living in a less than perfect world. This part of you is a still and eternal star. Make time to reach it and this will bring you untold benefit.

An Angel

2007-06-01T01:27:00.000+01:00

Today, its Childrens Day here in Portugal........dont know if in other countries this day has the same meaning.......well, im dedicating my post to one of my sisters who maybe its the best friend, among my family, ive ever had since i was born.........Céu (that here in Portugal means at the same time Sky and Heaven) is not only a great sister but also a great person.........she was always a very nice little girl, always with a charming smile in her face, very clever, a great student, and she always had a great sense of justice............and she has not changed, all these years :-)

i remembered to talk about her in Childrens Day because since she was very young she loved children and she read lots of books about education and she always cared about childrens problems........and she had a dream and fought for it, and a few years ago she made her dream come true, creating an association dedicated to children in need, who live in very difficult situations in their families................thanks God she found a few people who helped her in her dream and till today they have already helped many kids and have given many good moments to lots of kids who, without them, would have a very sad and dark life..........

that association is called Meninos de Oiro that means Golden Children........in fact, for my sister, all children are more precious than gold and shes happy for being able to help them and to give to them all the love she has in her heart.........and i think thats so wonderful

she also loves photography........since very young i always remember her taking a camera to wherever she goes, taking pictures to everything, specially to children........and her pictures are so special, maybe because she puts in the images the beautiful heart she has

i admire her and im also very grateful to her because in a very difficult moment of my childhood, she was the only person who was able to give me her hand, although she was only a little kid like me..............i will never forget that............my dad forcing me to eat and i didnt want, i cried, i vomited, every days it was the same thing, nobody knew what to do, and my sister, still a kid, told my dad "i will take care of her for now on"........and she did..........the meals that were a nightmare to me, became nice moments because my sister was there looking after me, she didnt oblige me to eat, she was patient with me, and i was no more scared........silly adults didnt find the solution that was so simple that only a child found it..............

my sister and me (4 and 3 years old)

so, im grateful to her, for this, for one day that i was going to cross a street and a car was very near and i didnt see it, and it was her who saved me for being caught by the car.........im grateful for one day when i was at home eating a candy and suddenly i couldnt breath and i didnt know what to do, and it was my sister again who saved me from dying suffocated by the candy............im grateful for every moment she has helped me with her advices and with her understanding when i feel sad or lost, for every moment she forgives me for my weaknesses...........

i made one day a little film dedicated to her.....i called it An Angel...........and the images there are pictures that were taken by her...............i put the video in YouTube and then i showed to her and she loved it :-).........but i know thats not enough, she deserves more, because she has always been kind of a guardian angel to me and i feel happy for the day i decided to live with her and with my dear 12 years old nephew :-)

im going to put here the video that i made for her and before going now i want to wish to her all the happiness of the world and that all her dreams will come true..........God bless my sister and thanks again for everything :-)

Thinking about thinking

2007-05-31T03:09:00.000+01:00

So here its me again, talking for nobody lol

the last post i talked about my addiction to Bubblez! i said i wasnt able to pass level 20, but after that i was so happy because i passed it and i reached level 28 wahooooooo! sadly dont know what happened and one day i tried to open the games page but it had problems in loading and when it did, all my game had gone :-(

i know its a bit childish to be annoyed with such an insignificant thing but the fact is that i felt really frustrated.......and i was so annoyed that i didnt play it for some days, but today i started from level 1 again and im already in level 15 :-)

i know im too old to lose my time playing these games but the truth is that i enjoy it and so many times while im playing, i forget silly things in my life that upset me..........it seems all my attention is there in those coloured bubbles and in making them disappear, and problems and frustrations go away.......bit weird in fact, because i play with other people, people i dont know, and in that moment those people are maybe the only "friends" i have..........they are enjoying the same game as me, they are there, i know it, and they dont disappoint me.........how many times in real life, people we love and we care about, they dont love the same things as us, they are not there when we need them, and so many times they disappoint us? how many times?

so thinking about thinking, the other day while playing this game, i started to feel such a sadness that i began to cry like a baby.......silly me.............why i was so well playing this game thinking about nothing and suddenly all my dark clouds came and dominated my heart? i couldnt stop crying, really dont know why, it looked like a thousand tears were hidden inside my soul waiting desperately to go out..........i was so absent minded and all that sadness took advantage of that, making me think in things i didnt want to think about, making me remember bad moments in my childhood, my frustrations, my disppointements, my broken dreams :-(

then i think how funny is life, because we are never happy........theres always something missing...........we may have so many good things in our lives but theres always at least one thing that we miss...........is that fair? maybe its fair, because in one hand, a total happiness is completely impossible, and in other hand, we give more importance to good things we have when there are things that are not so good.............

i always give this example: we always give more importance to a tree in the middle of a desert than to a tree in the middle of a forest, isnt it? so, if we only had trees in our heart, maybe we wouldnt give much importance to each tree there..........but if our heart is kind of a desert with not many trees, each tree for us is more precious than gold..........

yeah, in that moment suddenly i felt real miserable..........dont know why that happened to me.........maybe life is like this game called Bubblez...........we are all our life trying to reach the highest levels, but sometimes for some reason, all our work disappears and we must have the courage to start everything again from the zero...........again and again..........

bye for now and sweet dreams :-)

XXXXXXXX

Bubblez!

2007-05-27T15:56:00.000+01:00

Yeah, im kind of addicted to this game :-) if one day you will see there some Thumbelina playing, well, thats me :-D but cant pass the level 20 grrrrrrrrrr

Bubblez!

Bubblez! is a multiplayer version of the classic Bubble Shooter game!

Play this free multiplayer game now!!!

Letter from God

2007-05-24T23:25:00.000+01:00

Believing or not in God here is a letter ive received the other day in my email box :-)

"To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject:YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

This is God.Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.

I love you.

P.S.

And, remember...

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself !! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know!

Now, you have a nice day,

God"

Two quotes

2007-05-24T23:00:00.000+01:00

"Most people walk in and out of your life.........but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart."

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Simple minds discuss people."

Once upon a time......

2007-05-24T22:46:00.000+01:00

I received this story in an email and i loved it so much that im going to post it here :-)

"Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition.

The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....

The race began....

Honestly:

No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

You heard statements such as:

"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"

"They will NEVER make it to the top."

or:

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....

Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher....

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....

But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....

This one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out....

That the winner was DEAF!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wisdom of this story is:

Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.... because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have.

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

Therefore:

ALWAYS be....

POSITIVE!

And above all:

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!"

The truth

2007-05-24T01:07:00.000+01:00

Wont comment this film, only will say that the truth often comes from the voice of children.......but are we, the adults, wise enough to listen to them?

This world..........

2007-05-16T02:04:00.000+01:00

Im in one of those moments when i need to write a post to try to take away from me the bad feelings im having now :-(

sometimes i dont like this world where i live and i wanted so much to have the courage to go away from here...........stupid world where theres only pain everywhere...........why live in a place where innocent kids are constantly hurted? where adults hurt other adults, even not wanting to? where theres so much suffering and loneliness and war and hate? where people kill thousands of baby seals and other animals every year only because of their fur? where human beings keep menacing and destroying the nature? where pure feelings are often forgotten? where friendship is so many times only a way of passing an empty time? where is so rare to find real love as to find a diamond?

why am i here? will this stupid world miss me when one day i will go for good?

in this moment, i dont believe in dreams, i dont believe in love, i dont believe in happiness............i only believe in sadness and frustration..............i believe in people who, to forget that they have nobody, they pass hours in front of a PC playing for hours silly games with people they dont know, eating cookies and getting fatter and fatter and even more lonely........i believe in people, people like me, who keep talking to nobody about their deepest feelings, and never have a word of comfort...........yeah, these world is plenty of these kind of people, people who dont believe anymore................

is it worth to keep living in this sad world???

Feelings and objects

2007-05-10T15:22:00.000+01:00

Life keeps giving lessons to us........ive been having a few problems, very annoying, and those problems made me forget a bit that the most important thing on earth arent the objects that we can touch with our hands, but everything that we can touch with our heart...............but sadly some objects also touch our heart and its not easy to get rid of them............because those objects are connected to people and people are connected to feelings...............

but objects are material and all material one day vanishes...........starting by our own body, when we die, it transforms in dust................

we may have an old object and put it in the bin and buy a new one, isnt it?
all objects are replaceable..........and even if theres some object we cherish and its unique, time will slowly destroy it............

so , what really matters in this world? the soul, the feelings, the connections we make with the others, with the world.............those things never die............when somebody is gone one day, people will remember them for what they were, and not for what they possessed.............and the body will transform in dust, but the spirit will remain in our hearts, and will keep living beyond the death..........

im talking about this because of what ive said in the first line of this post............life keeps giving lessons to us..........and life gave me a lesson today................when i was feeling bad because of the problems i have been having, one of my sisters found a little paper with these wise words written there:

«What you give, it's yours forever. What you keep, it's lost forever.» (Eric Emmanuel Schmitt)

thats so true...........there are things nobody can take away from us........never :-)

About lies

2007-05-10T02:23:00.000+01:00

Why lies exist? are we able to live without them? how many times somebody lies during all their life?
little lies, big lies, white lies, dangerous lies, so many kind of lies...........and i dont believe that somebody hasnt lied at least once in life...........even if its to avoid some bad situation or to hide some hurtful truth...........

then i think................i read once this quote: «I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you» (Friedrich Nietzsche)........but is it possible? because if it is, we cant believe in anybody else............even in ourselves..............

what world is this where we dont know if everything that people say to us is true? and worse than that is when that happens with people who are close to us...........people we think they love us and care about us and suddenly things change, and although our heart keeps telling us to trust in them, theres always things that make us feel they are lying to us............but we want to believe in them, we try to find stupid excuses to accept everything they say to us, even if they are not logical................and in that moment its us who are lying to ourselves, isnt it?

«The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.» (Richard Bach)

so i will keep doing what i always do..........i keep believing in people as long as they give proofs of their friendship, as long as they show they care about me and they need and trust me...........even if sometimes there are little white lies i feel they are telling to me, maybe to hide some unuseful but painful truth..............i want to believe in those people because i also know they believe in me :-)

but if there are people who often show they dont care about me and about my feelings, im very sorry but i dont believe in those people.........its so sad but i must do that...........because i need to survive in this big mess where we all live............

anyway, as George Bernard Shaw said: «The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.»

i believe that people who keep lying during all their lives, they will finish one day all alone in the middle of their own lies.............

Message for Madeleine

2007-05-09T02:07:00.000+01:00

Dear Madeleine

im listening everydays for more news about your vanishing a few days ago, and so sad that the news are always the same.........everybody looking everywhere for you......but nothing........

where are you, little Madeleine?

how unfair is this world where suddenly little and innocent children like you, disappear...........and so many others all over the world.............

why there are so mean people who can do these things to kids??? why they make that??? are they able to sleep at night with a clean conscience???

i feel so sad not only for you, little Madeleine, but also for your family and for all people all over the world to whom it happened the same thing...............

but, dont know why, i still have the hope one day somebody will tell me: "you know? they have found Madeleine! and shes fine thanks God!"......i still have that hope and im sending all my thoughts to you and i deeply wish that an angel is looking after you and that he wont let anybody hurt you.........

so please be brave and dont cry...............i feel you will be back :-)

a very tight hug and all my love

XXXXXXXX

A sword in my soul

2007-05-08T01:52:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I feel a sword in my soul

I am in the dark
Looking for the light
And when I touch it
It vanishes away

People tell me
That somewhere there is a star
Waiting for me
And that I can hold it in my hands
With no fear of losing it

Are my eyes closed?
Or am I blind?
Where is my star?

Where is the rainbow
That one day promised
It would bring me
To the land of happiness?

Why I keep holding dreams
That will never come true?

Why I want so much to fly
But I was born with no wings?

Why?

Why it's so dark everywhere?
Why I feel this sword in my soul?

Anonymous

Bubble Shooter game

2007-05-04T01:26:00.000+01:00

This game is really addictive :-)

thanks again to the King of Chatalot :-)

Flying away...........

2007-05-01T02:31:00.000+01:00

Do you know the feeling of having something you love and cherish so much for so much time, and suddenly you feel its going away from you?

as if you had a butterfly in your hands, you look after it, you care about it, it gives you joy to see it flying around you with its beautiful and multicoloured wings, but one day you realise that butterlfly that you love so much, wants to go away....maybe very far away......

you feel your heart broken because that butterfly doesnt need you anymore, doesnt love you anymore, it only wants to be far from you, in other land.....

and you feel things have changed, although you are just the same, but you must accept things as they are now.....

and you want to have the courage to let your butterfly go away, you want to open your hands to free it, but something very strong inside your heart doesnt let you make that.............

do you know the feeling that a part of you is leaving and you simply cant do anything against it?

and that you must always show a smile although you are crying inside your heart...........

it can be anything........a butterfly, a bird, anything............or anybody...........a brother, a friend............

do you know that feeling?

Thoughts for today

2007-04-23T15:04:00.000+01:00

I have been receiving in my email box some thoughts for today, and i will post here the ones i prefer :-)

True Peace
True peace can be experienced only when we stop giving and taking sorrow. In order not to give sorrow we need a clear heart that has no ill feelings and for not taking sorrow we need a big heart that can tolerate and help other souls to get over their weaknesses.

Gifts Of Virtues
More valuable than the things we give to each other are the gifts of virtues we pass on quietly to others through our selfless and noble actions. These gifts are truly precious because they are imperishable and they multiply the more we share them.

Respect
The respect you earn is no lesser or greater than your own self-respect. Therefore, respect yourself and God and the world will respect you.

Sweetness
Sweetness is a virtue that searches with patience for the good in every person and situation.

Teaching With Love
Teaching others is best done with love. Once the heart has understood the mind opens.

Finest Qualities
Let my eyes be a mirror for others, reflecting only the best and finest qualities.

Anger
Anger destroys the beauty of the heart as well as the beauty of the face.

Time and Love

2007-04-21T16:17:00.000+01:00

This is so beautiful and touching............

click on the image to watch this little film :-)

Note: thx to the King of Chatalot :-)

About dreams......and dreams

2007-04-20T16:24:00.000+01:00

Yesterday night, at home, everybody was already sleeping, it was really quiet here......i was the only person awoken...........suddenly i heard a strange little noise that came from the ceiling.....i looked above and there was an insect flying around a lamp that was switched on..........silly insect, attracted by the light, it ignored the light could burn it to death.........i had no time to do anything because suddenly the noise finished and when i looked above i saw the poor insect dead near the lamp :-(

and then i thought about life........how many times we are all our life flying around bright lights, attracted by their beauty and then they burn us and we die.........im talking about some dreams.......about those dreams that are pratically impossible to come true...........those stupid dreams we run after them, trying to catch them as if they were butterflies, and then we dont realise we are near a precipice and when we do, its already too late..........

my dad who was the most pessimistic person i have ever known in all my life, he used to say these words: «when we make a dream come true, we kill it»..............dont know if those words and also the way he treated me, have influenciated me, because i remember i never had dreams when i was a young girl............young girls always dream, even if its silly dreams, but they dream.......but i remember i never had dreams.......

once somebody asked me what i wanted very much to do and i remember i answered this: «i wanted to save people from a fire».......dont know why i said that but i remember a story that has touched me so deeply when i was very young............i think it was a poem that was in one of the books i took to school......it told a story of a woman who had very ugly hands and everybody avoided to look at her hands because they were really scary...........she had a child and once the child looked at her hands and asked her why her hands were so ugly............and she told that when her child was still a baby and was sleeping in the cradle, a candle that was near it suddenly fell and it started to burn the cradle..........and when the mother ran to save her baby from the burning flames, she burned her hands................when the woman told this story, the child took her hands, kissed them and said: «your hands are the most beautiful hands ive ever seen»

this story touched me deeply, maybe thats why ive given that answer.......or maybe i only needed to make something very special to make people think i wasnt an unuseful and stupid child.........something heroic to show i wasnt a coward and weak little girl........dont know.........

well, as ive said, i had no dreams.........i remember not much ago, somebody asked me if i had dreams and when i said i didnt, that person was very shocked, because everybody has dreams, isnt it?

my life had lots of changes and suddenly i started to dream, maybe because i started to trust in people........or in life...............but there are dreams and dreams.............and if there are dreams that help us to grow up and to make a difference in this world, there are other dreams that are so beautiful and bright but we keep flying around them during days, months, during years, and slowly we start dying inside............im talking about those silly dreams that are pratically impossible to come true, and only a miracle or some kind of magic, can do that..............we get up thinking about that dream, we are all day thinking about it, and the last thing we think before we fall asleep is about that dream................we are obssessed by something that not only doesnt exist but also will never exist.............

sometimes i think my dad was right when he said what he said about dreams........and i even can add these words: «when we make a dream come true, we kill it..........but when our dream doesnt come true, we are killing ourselves»

but people cant fight against their dreams............and so many times its them that keep us wanting to live...........even if its a very stupid dream...............and, as people say, «last thing to die is hope» and for me the dreams belong to the land of hope, i think we must dream till the day we are gone.............

so, some people will keep all their life flying around bright lights, ignoring that one day those beautiful lights that attract them so much, will kill them.........or maybe they are already killing them but so slowly that they dont notice it..........

lucky are the ones who only have the other dreams.......the «good» ones :-)

What's wrong with you?

2007-04-18T02:09:00.000+01:00

You don't want to cry
You want to make everybody think
That everything is fine

But when you stop a little
And nobody is around you
Suddenly you start crying like a baby

Why?

What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with the world?

Are you missing something?
Or somebody?

Is this world needing your tears?
Why you feel your heart so broken?

Tell me something
Please

But don't smile
Because I know
That deep inside
You feel unhappy

Don't say
That you feel fine
Because I know
You are dying inside

What's wrong with you?
Please
Tell me

Anonymous

Remember

2007-04-16T02:28:00.000+01:00

Little Benyamin keeps spreading his sunshine rays in YouTube with his videos where he plays piano in such a wonderful way :-) he was born for that and people all over the world feel so touched when they watch his videos and see how he plays the piano..........we can see that for the views and comments and the honors his videos always have in that site :-)

in this last video, not only he plays such a beautiful music in such a beautiful way, but also there is a poem that i felt i should post here in my blog:

Remember

Remember how human you are.

Remember the feel of tears in your eyes.

Remember the taste of rain on your tongue.

Remember that the comfort lies within you.

Remember what really matters.

Remember what has and will always exist around you.

Remember it's immortality.

Remember: 'true inner bliss' can not be given to you,

or shown to you

but if you concentrate hard enough it will gradually shine through your spirit like sunrays through the trees.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben's Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

thanks again little Ben :-)

XXXXXXXX

About love

2007-04-14T16:26:00.000+01:00

A few quotes about love that ive found in MySpace, posted by a friend of mine :-)

Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.

The course of true love never did run smooth. (Shakespeare)

Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. (Jean Anouilh, Ardele, 1948)

To be loved is to live forever in someone's heart (Unknown)

You never lose from loving, you lose from holding back (Erin-Rose)

So Blessed

2007-04-13T02:55:00.000+01:00

I was listening now on the radio for a song that always touches me deeply.........not only for the way how its sung but also for its lyrics...........its such a romantic song and Mariah Carey sings it with such a beautiful and strong voice..........its one of my special songs and to be honest not many times i want to listen to it because it always makes me feel goosebumps and a bit sad :-/

here are the lyrics:

So Blessed
(Mariah Carey)

Lying beside you
This joy is so deep
I reach out and touch you
Tenderly
Looking inside you
My world is complete
I struggled to find you
Now I'm free

Precious love
Burning so deeply
Shining completely
For you

So blessed
Amazingly
Touching you now
Awakens me
You are my heart
My everything
Feeling you now
Is all I need

Adrift in the moment
So sacred and pure
Alive for you only
I am yours
As you touch me so sweetly
And you whisper my name
I feel how you love me
We are the same

Precious one
Don't ever leave me
Forever need me
This way

Stay with me
Beyond the end
I treasure you
'Cause you made me whole again

Note: i was looking for the videoclip of So Blessed but as i havent found it, i posted here this video where we can listen to this wonderful song :-)

Noah's Ark

2007-04-13T01:07:00.000+01:00

A few advices i found in internet, to think about :-)

Everything I Need To Know About Life, I Learned From Noah's Ark...

1: Don't miss the boat.

2: We are all in the same boat.

3: Stay fit. Someone may ask you to do something really big.

4: Listen to your inner calls, no matter how strange... It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark!

5: Don't listen to critics, just get on with the job that needs to be
done.

6: Build your future carefully in the present, preferably on good foundation (high >ground).

7: Follow divine plan; on long journeys travel in pairs and enjoy the company of others.

8: All creatures, regardless of size, are important in the big scheme of things.

9: In the midst of a storm, trust, be patient and float a while.

10: Speed isn't as important as the ability to ride the waves.

11: The Ark was built and manned by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.

12: No matter the storm, when you are with God there's always a rainbow waiting.

A question

2007-04-09T16:06:00.000+01:00

Theres my question for today:

if you have a precious diamond that you love and cherish to death but everytime you look at it, it hurts your eyes and makes you cry, everytime you hold it tight in your hands it hurts you because of its sharp ends, dont you think one day it will arrive the moment when you must take a very hard decision?
you must wrap your precious diamond in the most delicate velvet and put it in your most beautiful box and keep it hidden forever in the darkest corner of your wardrobe?
and try to forget it has ever existed?
and promise to yourself you will never look at it again nor take it again in your hands?

how would you feel when you had betrayed your deepest and most precious feelings?
how would you be able to keep on living when you had betrayed yourself?

only a question, nothing more :-)

Happy Easter to everybody :-)

2007-04-08T03:49:00.000+01:00

I want to wish to everybody, specially to the ones who read my blog, a very happy Easter near the ones you love the most, and a day plenty of joy and love and sweeties :-)

for me its a day a bit like the Christmas day.......at Christmas, we celebrate the birth of Jesus, at Easter we celebrate his kind of rebirth.......but in both days what we celebrate the most its the joy of being alive and to have a family and people we love and who love us........we give presents to one anothers to show our affection, but most important of all its to be with the ones who are closer to us and share with them such a happy day......sadly we cant be with all the people we wanted to be with :-(.......theres always somebody whos missing........sometimes the most important for us...........but i try to be in heart with the ones i love the most and i hope they do the same.........

happy Easter to everybody :-)

XXXXXXXX

Why im feeling like this?

2007-04-06T03:11:00.000+01:00

Its so weird how sometimes im feeling and i know i shouldnt feel like that, but who can rule the feelings?

yesterday i fell from a bench.......i was on a bench because i couldnt get something that was far from me so i climbed one of my kitchen benches........my family keeps telling me to be careful when i do that and im always careful, but yesterday dont know what happened and suddenly i was lying on the floor............its funny because i fell but the bench didnt fall.........my sister saw me falling and she said it seemed i was falling in slow motion lol...........i was with my poor back on the floor and i was very nervous because i thought i had broken some bone........but thanks God everything was ok.......i still have a bit pain in my left arm and leg and in my back but im happy nothing bad happened to me.............it seemed my guardian angel was there looking after me :-)

today i needed to buy a few sweets to give to my family at Easter Sunday........my sister wasnt at home and she had the card with her and i had no money at home that moment........i decided to open a little box i have with some coins ive been keeping because its euros that are not portuguese and i was collecting them..........but i needed them so i took them to make my shoppings..........it wasnt much but it was enough to buy Easter choccies to my mum and sisters and nephew..........sadly my maths are not very well because when i needed to pay, the girl said it missed one euro..........oh my God, i felt so bad because i didnt want to leave there one of my presents.........but i had the luck that a lady who was after me in the queue, she gave the money missing to me......... :-O............she never saw me in her life, i dont look like somebody whos needing money from other people, but she felt happy to help me..........to be honest i felt very embarrassed with the situation and my face was as red as an apple lol............but i was so lucky :-)

so, in less than 24 hours two lucky things happened to me........i should be feeling happy, isnt it?

but no............im not feeling happy this moment........in fact, im feeling even a bit sad, as if something was missing...........i cant control myself...........

why im like this??? i hate when i feel i shouldnt feel sad........i hate when i feel i should feel happy and grateful, but im not............its not fair :-(

if things would have been different, maybe i would be now in the hospital, or something worse............i cant forget that moment when i fell, i had a window in front of my head..........i could have broken that window with my head and i wouldnt be now writing my blog.............and today in the supermarket, that lady showed to me that this world has nice people who enjoy to help the others without wanting anything back........isnt that so wonderful?

so, im asking to me, again and again, why im feeling such a hole in my heart right now?

im afraid one day i will be punished for being so ungrateful...........for wanting to keep my eyes closed to the bright things around me............

but i cant help it..........im not feeling well and theres such a dark cloud inside me...............

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, i hate this...........:-(

A story, true or not, and a few quotes

2007-04-03T02:03:00.000+01:00

This story is true or not? ive already received it a few times in my email box and its those kind of emails that people tell us to send to the others........well, true or not, its an interesting story so im going to post it here..........because we can take a lesson from it :-)

«His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."

"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.

"Yes," the farmer replied proudly.

"I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name?

Sir Winston Churchill.»

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt.

Dance like nobody's watching.

Sing like nobody's listening.

Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

May there always be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

You Decorated My Life

2007-04-01T03:34:00.000+01:00

I listened now to this song on the radio and i was so touched with it.........its a song that always touches me so much...........the lyrics, the music, the way how Kenny Rogers sings it............

i will put here its lyrics and i will dedicate it to all people who have been decorating my life since i was born..........not many have made it, but the few who have, i hope they know it, because im eternally grateful to them.......they are very special to me :-)

You Decorated My Life (Kenny Rogers)

All my life was a paper once plain, pure and white
Till you moved with your pen changin' moods now and then
Till the balance was right
Then you added some music, ev'ry note was in place
And anybody could see all the changes in me by the look on my face

And you decorated my life, created a world where dreams are a part
And you decorated my life by paintin' your love all over my heart
You decorated my life

Like a rhyme with no reason in an unfinished song
There was no harmony life meant nothin' to me, until you cam along
And you brought out the colors, what a gentle surprise
Now I'm able to see all the things life can be shinin' soft in your eyes

And you decorated my life, created a world where dreams are a part
And you decorated my life by paintin' your love all over my heart
You decorated my life

and here is a video where we can listen to this wonderful song :-)

Thought for today

2007-03-30T03:00:00.000+01:00

«If at any time I begin to lose hope in myself, let me simply look inside my heart and see all the good actions I have ever performed, from the smallest to the grandest. When I see how much happiness I have given, I easily remember the purpose of my life.»

Whats wrong? Whats right?

2007-03-29T01:14:00.000+01:00

Whats wrong? whats right?

sometimes i feel so confused........why life is as it is? why things are as they are?

the point is: why the ones who are closer to us are the ones who hurt us the most? and also the ones we hurt the most? i always try to do my best but it seems sometimes what i make, what i say, isnt the correct thing........and when the others hurt us, it seems the pain is much bigger when those ones are people we love...........

so i ask, why? why things must be like that? is it fair?

this world is plenty of ways but not always i know the right one.........im afraid that often i chose the wrong way, i make the wrong things...........yeah, i believe something isnt well.........but where?

im not feeling very well now and sadly cant talk with anybody........i feel confused and lost and sad................sometimes i feel i should have the courage to make something...........one day, people would ask for me but i would be gone...........and the world, this confused world, would keep going, but i would be no more here in the middle of this mess.............

and the funny is that i know im not feeling the correct thing..........i know im being ungrateful, because ive a great family who loves me, ive great friends, ive my lovely cats, ive a house, ive food, i live in a beautiful country where theres no war...........so why im feeling so miserable? is it fair that im feeling like this, although ive so many good things that so many people all over the world dont have? do i deserve those things? one day i will be punished because i had good things in my life but i havent deserved them, i know it............but i cant change what im feeling right now........

whats wrong with me?

what demon is this one inside my heart whos making me cry? whos making me feel so lost and unhappy? whos making me have doubts about everybody and everything? doubts about myself...........whos making me feel that this world isnt for me? or that im not for this world?

people should have a button that they could push and disappear for a while........and see how the world would be without them........and see if there were people who really loved them...........and see if the ones they loved would miss them...........sometimes im afraid that if i had that button and if i pushed it, i would realise this world would be much better without me, and even people i love would feel reliefed with my absence..............am i right?

..........................

im going to bed......maybe tomorrow i will feel better............

Find the letters

2007-03-28T00:42:00.000+01:00

I posted this game once in my other blog, the one ive deleted, and its a very cool game, so im going to post it here again :-)

Can you find the C?

Once you've found the C

Find the 1

Once you found the 1..............

Find the 6

once you've found the 6...

Find the N (it's hard!!)

once you've found the N...

Find the Q...

My orange dream

2007-03-25T03:17:00.000+01:00

I was in the garden of my old house, the house where i was born and where i lived maybe 30 years or more, cant remember.........in that house i had very bad moments but i also had very good moments.......cant get rid of that house, especially in my dreams.........well, as i said, i was in the garden......i remember that garden had lots of trees, orange trees, lemon trees, prune trees, and other trees i didnt know the name............it was a huge garden, and when we are young, the size of things gets much bigger.........maybe if i now came back again to that garden i would realise its not that big............well, i was in the garden and i noticed one of the orange trees had a beautiful orange, and i was very happy because i knew that tree would give more oranges like that.........the orange was still a bit green but it was already very nice.........but sadly, i noticed all the branches of that tree were cut......not only that tree didnt have any more oranges but also didnt have any leaf and it looked very sad.........i asked one of my sisters why the tree was all cut and she answered: "you know very well our dad doesnt want us to eat our oranges.........."

not only i was amazed with the answer of my sister but also how she seemed to accept that so well.........

it was only a dream i had this night, but really cant understand its meaning :-/

The Interview With God

2007-03-24T16:51:00.000+01:00

Believing or not in God, this little film with so beautiful images, says so many true things and its a great lesson, so i thought i should post it here :-)

please click on the image to watch it

THE INTERVIEW WITH GOD

I dreamed I had an interview with God.

“So you would like to interview me?” God asked.

“If you have the time” I said.

God smiled. “My time is eternity.”
“What questions do you have in mind for me?”

“What surprises you most about humankind?”

God answered...
“That they get bored with childhood,
they rush to grow up, and then
long to be children again.”

“That they lose their health to make money...
and then lose their money to restore their health.”

“That by thinking anxiously about the future,
they forget the present,
such that they live in neither
the present nor the future.”

"That they live as if they will never die,
and die as though they had never lived.”

God’s hand took mine
and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked...
“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons
you want your children to learn?”

“To learn they cannot make anyone
love them. All they can do
is let themselves be loved.”

“To learn that it is not good
to compare themselves to others.”

“To learn to forgive
by practicing forgiveness.”

“To learn that it only takes a few seconds
to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them.”

“To learn that a rich person
is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.”

“To learn that there are people
who love them dearly,
but simply have not yet learned
how to express or show their feelings.”

“To learn that two people can
look at the same thing
and see it differently.”

“To learn that it is not enough that they
forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.”

"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.

"Is there anything else
you would like your children to know?"

God smiled and said,
“Just know that I am here... always.”

-author unknown

My teddy bear

2007-03-24T01:54:00.000+01:00

When I'm feeling lonely and sad
I know you are there for me
I can hold you tight in my arms
And close my eyes
And pretend I'm no more alone
You don't talk
You don't move
You even don't hug back
I know it
But I also know
You are there for me

When I look outside
And everything is black and white
(Who has stolen my colours?)
When my heart is broken
And I try not to think
And I try not to feel
When I need to cry
But nobody is there
To clean my tears
I know you are there for me

Anonymous

Quote

2007-03-16T16:33:00.000+01:00

Be who you are and say what you feel...
Because those who mind don't matter
And those who matter won't mind...

About girls and trees and apples

2007-03-16T16:27:00.000+01:00

Quote

2007-03-14T03:01:00.000+01:00

"A great man will take up the sword for his country. A greater man will lay it down for humanity."

Rejection

2007-03-12T01:09:00.000+01:00

I said once that one of the worst feelings is to be rejected........and thats so true.........specially when you started being rejected when you are only a kid............

you are as you are, you are weak, you get scared to death when your dad yells at you, your sisters are strong and clever, they understand what your dad teaches to them, they make what he wants, they have good results in their tests, but you cant do that, you dont understand some things he tries to explain to you, you are afraid when you are in the beach and he obliges you to go to a deep place to take bath, you even are afraid of eating, it seems your stomach cant have food inside it and you throw everything away, even when you dont have anything to throw away............

you dont want to study, you dont want to eat, you dont want to go to the beach, and your dad always yelling at you, making you feel worse than a worm..........

and one day your dad gives up of you, now he wont care anymore about you..........you live in the same home but you dont belong to the family...............

your nan takes you to a teacher to try to make you learn something, but when you arrive at home, you hear your dad talking with your sisters and your mum, moaning about you and about how stupid and unusefull you are........and you feel you need a hole in the floor to hide there forever.......

you are in the beach playing all by yourself because your dad and your mum went walking with your sisters but you cant go with them because you are being punished..........and when they arrive, so many stories they have to tell, so many cool things they found in the beach..........but you are far away listening to them while you try to keep playing in your own world you had created only for you.........

because you dont belong to their world.........

you have no right to.........

at school you only pass classes because your nan is friend of the teachers................you have no friends at school..........and during classes your mates laugh at you, make jokes about you.....and you always finish the classes crying in a corner.........

and you are only a kid.............

not nice to be rejected i must say it.............

and you grow up and things doesnt change..............it seems you are not welcome in this world.........you try sometimes to get things a bit different, but its not possible because of this or because of that........its funny how theres always a reason why things cant be as you wish...........

but maybe its only your fault because you dont deserve it, so why keep trying it? why you dont accept your life as it is and you dont give up of trying to enter worlds where you dont belong? its so sad to be rejected but maybe its your fate...........

and you are not brave enough to one day climb a table and shout with all ur lungs: "thats ENOUGH! if you keep rejecting me that means you dont love me nor you need me, so go away!"........

but you wont do that lol you are not brave enough...........you are scared of losing the ones you love, even if you know they dont love you the way you love them...............you prefer to live all your life in that stupid expectation of being accepted by the others........accepted by what you are with all your weaknesses...............

but maybe at the end you will realise that some people are only with you because they feel pity of you..........because the truth is that they dont love you anymore, they are fed up of you, and maybe they never have loved you before...............

life is so funny, isnt it?

Some strange days

2007-03-10T02:30:00.000+01:00

Some strange days

Sometimes everything seems to be fine
But suddenly something happens
Anything
And we feel so uncomfortable
As if we were wearing very tight shoes
Or as if we were waiting hours for the wrong bus

We feel insecure
We feel scared
We feel that maybe our place isn´t in this world

The sky is plenty of stars
But there's a star missing
We feel it
Even that song we love so much
Doesn't sound well now

What's happening?
Which part of our heart is being taken away?
Why we must accept things that are hurting us?
Why we must smile when we are crying inside?

We know there's something missing
And we must accept it
Maybe next time
Maybe next life
Maybe

Time passing by, so lazy
So indifferent to this emptiness
And we look outside the window
And it's raining so much
And we say: What a beautiful sun!

Lying to ourselves
To believe in the impossible
To believe in things we know we will never have
To believe in a day we know it will never come

So dark outside...
Or it's only so dark inside?

Some strange days

Anonymous

3 quotes

2007-03-02T02:38:00.000+01:00

Yesterday is a memory,
tomorrow is a mystery
and today is a gift,
which is why it is called
the present.

***********************

What the caterpillar perceives is the end,
to the butterfly is just the beginning.

***********************

Everything that has a beginning
has an ending.
Make your peace with that
and all will be well.

Angels voices

2007-03-01T16:50:00.000+01:00

Talking about angels voices, here are two more wonderful videos, where children sing touching songs in such a touching way.........sometimes we must stop a bit and listen to these angels voices :-)

The Choirboys (Tears In Heaven):

Joseph McManners (Bright Eyes):

thanks little angels......God bless you :-)

XXXXXXXX

Tell Me Why

2007-02-23T21:36:00.000+01:00

This voice is amazing.........this performance is amazing.........this video is amazing...........everything so amazing and so touching......the song and the lyrics too.......i keep watching this video and everytime i watch it, i feel goosebumps......and the message there makes us all feel kind of guilty isnt it?........and this young boy sings it in such a deep and sensitive way..........yeah, a great star is born..........no more words..........Declan Galbraith its his name.......hes now 14 or 15 but in this video i think he was only 9 or 10.........click on the image to go to his site:

and here is this wonderful video.......

Tell Me Why

In my dream, children sing
A song of love for every boy and girl
The sky is blue and fields are green
And laughter is the language of the world
Then i wake and all i see
Is a world full of people in need

Tell me why (why) does it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is there something i have missed?
Tell me why (why) cos i don't understand
When so many need somebody
We don't give a helping hand
Tell me why

Everyday i ask myself
What will i have to do to be a man?
Do i have to stand and fight
To prove to everybody who i am?
Is that what my life is for
To waste in a world full of war?

Tell me why? tell me why?
Tell me why? tell me why?
Just tell me why, why, why?

Tell me why (why, why, does the tiger run)
Tell me why (why, why do we shoot the gun)
Tell me why (why, why do we never learn)
Can someone tell us why we let the forest burn?
(why,why do we say we care)
Tell me why (why, why do we stand and stare)
Tell me why (why, why do the dolphins cry)
Can some one tell us why we let the ocean die?
(why, why if we're all the same)
Tell me why (why, why do we pass the blame)
Tell me why (why, why does it never end)
Can some one tell us why we cannot just be friends?
Why,why

Walk alone

2007-02-23T01:50:00.000+01:00

Well, since i started this blog nobody has made a comment here......that means or that nobody reads it or if somebody reads it, they have no time nor patience to comment it lol......and if in one hand its a bit annoying because it seems im talking to nobody, sometimes i feel a bit down and some nice word would give me some comfort, in other hand maybe its better like that, because i often say so stupid things here thats better nobody comment them lol

anyway if sometimes somebody jumps here and reads my posts, i want to say sorry if there are some posts where i say things i shouldnt say......but there are some moments when i feel that if i dont talk about whats inside my heart, i feel im going to explode......

but dont worry about not commenting them, i understand.......the fact is that after writing here, when ive my dark clouds, i always feel a bit better............and about comments or no comments, well, it seems i was born to walk alone lol

now i remembered these Whitesnake lyrics:

Here I go Again

I don't know where I'm goin
but I sure know where I've been
hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again.

Tho' I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for.
Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on
'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time.

Just another heart in need of rescue
waiting on love's sweet charity
an' I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days
'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again,
here I go again, here I go.

An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again,
here I go again, here I go,

bye for now to whoever is there (if somebody is there) and have a great day tomorrow :-)

XXXXXXXX

Image and words

2007-02-21T16:53:00.000+01:00