Feeling...

Feeling that its time to change, its time to leave so many things behind, its time to try to be another person, to try to have another life......feeling its enough of this stupid life where all the time i create problems to the ones who are closest to me......feeling everything is losing its meaning, im getting older and older and havent grown up yet and havent learnt yet how to be happy and how to make other people happy.......feeling that silly child who years ago tried to survive in the middle of tears and fears, that silly child who constantly disturbed everybody who was around her, that silly child who felt she didnt belong to this world, that silly child is still here inside my soul, and cant get rid of her, cant get rid of me.........i should make something, but i cant.........i cant........i know i should change, change everything, change all my life, i should try to be another person, sometimes im so fed up of me...........im so tired of feeling that peoples lives would be much better without me in their lives........i feel its time to go........sometimes i feel i should go away, forever......

this world is better without me, im sure of it.........

oh my God, may i die during one week and then come back again to check if my life has made some difference? to check if somebody has noticed my absence and has missed me?

im feeling so bad, bloody hell :-(

and i know i wont have that hug that im always needing so much when im feeling so bad.......