Oh well...

Well, it seems that when we dont want to cry, we really wont cry......

was feeling down, was feeling that something good and precious i have in my life, im slowly losing it :-( or maybe i never had it, but i thought i had it....only an illusion to make me believe in good things in life, in good relationships, in good people.......but more and more i wonder if i really had that treasure......and, if i had it, im feeling im losing it, every little second that passes by........

not easy to think that in the past, we had, or we thought we had, a friend......and today, that friend is no more your friend, but they take advantage of that feeling you had for them.......and they constantly lie to you......you have no proofs that they are lying, but you feel it inside your heart..............and everytime you talk with them, you cant know the difference between whats true and whats a lie........and you feel so confused and lost because you feel somebody to whom you were very close is playing now with your feelings.............and you feel so stupid, isnt it?

and then, in the same day when that happens, when you are trying to forget everything, and to enjoy your day, suddenly it seems that something happens that reminds you again everything you were trying to forget.....another person, another situation, but the same bad feeling of doubts about good relationships............or about relationships you thought they were good......and now theres this emptiness inside you, theres this feeling that you really dont know whats happening, you feel insecure, you feel that the ones you love and care about, they no more love you, no more need you........you feel they are so fed up of you, of your presence, and of everything that has to do with you :-( you even feel that any second that person is with you is a sacrifice for them, because you are so boring.........and you feel you should run away and disappear forever...........

thats not a nice feeling, specially for somebody who knows how rejection hurts...........and you want to cry, to cry the whole night, when everybody is sleeping and nobody will notice you are so hurted............

and you start to cry, but you decide no, i wont cry today, im so tired of crying........and you eat a whole package of peanuts m&ms and you watch a stupid movie they are puting on the TV about people who are bad for one anothers and at the end everybody gets friends, and for a while you forget you needed to cry and that the world sometimes is a bit mean to you...........

and now, you are here writing for nobody, you are here needing a hug nobody will give you, waiting for a nice word you know you will never have......

you are so stupid and so boring :-(



image from Elotopia

Goodbye to the Normals

It seems it has passed ages since last time i posted here...been happening so much things, my trip to England with my sister and my nephew, the Spiritual Connextions Awards event there, such a wonderful event, i felt so proud for being invited there :-)

i wasnt going to write here now, but was passing by here and i turned on the player ive here with the Burslem Normals song...and suddenly i felt invaded by a feeling of melancholy, really cant understand why thats happening...this song always touches me in such a weird way, dont know if its for the lyrics, or for the music, or for both...i feel something i cant explain, as if it was a huge sadness for something good thats lost forever...but what? maybe my childhood, but im not sure because it was really crap...maybe the times of my life where i only lived the present and didnt think about the past, nor about the future, nor about the "if" nor the "maybe"...does that song reminds me of good things i had and that gave me hope about people and about the world, hope about relationships, about feelings, but then everything has changed and i miss those things, because i got too much attached to them? what is it???

who are the "Normals" to whom im saying goodbye? is it me? am i saying goodbye to myself every day that passes, everyday that im getting older and older, does that mean im dying slowly every little second i live?

why am i feeling like this? i was feeling more or less ok and suddenly this song made me tears in my eyes, and made me feel confused and lost and lonely......

(hey Rob you who made this song, what feelings did you have in the moment you were composing this song? the same as im having now? the same as i always have when i listen to it?)

whats happening inside my head, inside my soul?

but its such a beautiful song, i love it so much....its very special for me, thats why i used it to give the title to my blog :-)

(and im not forgetting my Angels, the song of my life, but thats another story :-)

sweet dreams to whoever is out there wasting their time to read my silly and confused post

XXXXXXXX

im going to put here a remix i found in YouTube and i think its very good...to be honest, im not very found of remixes because when i love a song i love it as it is....but this remix has something of Jean Michel Jarre and i think the result of this work is really interesting:

«Burslem Normals ambient remix (robbie williams/nathan jay)»

My 100th post here

Its my 100th post here and i must say ive nothing special to say, so maybe i shouldnt say anything and wait for a better moment to write a post.......a special one because its my post number 100......but i needed to say an important thing, or well, not very important, but i need to say this...........

these last days ive been feeling really confused........in one side, i realise ive so great things in my life and that makes me happy........in other side, theres so much missing, i know it, im not exagerating, and that makes feel really miserable..........i feel so guilty for not enjoying the good things the way i should do.......i feel im so ungrateful and that one day, ill be punished............

yesterday, while surfing in internet, i found in google images a picture i will never forget...........it was an image of a very young child dead lying on the floor, and that child had no head, the head was lying near..............maybe one more innocent child victim of a bomb........oh my God! i felt so, so bad, i felt so guilty and silly and stupid.........me always moaning about my stupid problems and somewhere little children dying in such a cruel way!!! how is this possible??? do i deserve to have good things in my life, if i dont know how to enjoy them?

why children who have never made harm to this world, why they are suffering in this way???

is there any justice in this world?

people like me who are never satisfied with good things that they have, should take a lesson from this.........such a young child, just in the begining of their life, had no right to live, and died in such an awful way........this child had no time to dream, to smile, to laugh, to love and to be loved.........too soon this child was taken away from this world, and the only thing they met during their small life was so much pain............how we, who are still alive and who had already so many good moments in our lives, how do we feel we have the right to feel sometimes so miserable???

and then i think i should do what kids do at school to learn their lessons, and write one hundred, or maybe one thousand times, this truth:

«Dont waste your life thinking about things you dont have and suffering because of it, and enjoy good things you have, before one day you will realise that those good things may go away and then it will be too late to enjoy them...»

i wont post here that image i found in internet because its too cruel.......although i should look at it everytime i forget its lesson.............but its an image i will never forget........instead of that, i will post here a nice image, an image of hope, peace and joy to celebrate my 100th post here :-)

Feeling...

Feeling that its time to change, its time to leave so many things behind, its time to try to be another person, to try to have another life......feeling its enough of this stupid life where all the time i create problems to the ones who are closest to me......feeling everything is losing its meaning, im getting older and older and havent grown up yet and havent learnt yet how to be happy and how to make other people happy.......feeling that silly child who years ago tried to survive in the middle of tears and fears, that silly child who constantly disturbed everybody who was around her, that silly child who felt she didnt belong to this world, that silly child is still here inside my soul, and cant get rid of her, cant get rid of me.........i should make something, but i cant.........i cant........i know i should change, change everything, change all my life, i should try to be another person, sometimes im so fed up of me...........im so tired of feeling that peoples lives would be much better without me in their lives........i feel its time to go........sometimes i feel i should go away, forever......

this world is better without me, im sure of it.........

oh my God, may i die during one week and then come back again to check if my life has made some difference? to check if somebody has noticed my absence and has missed me?

im feeling so bad, bloody hell :-(

and i know i wont have that hug that im always needing so much when im feeling so bad.......

My new blog in Vox

Well, here i am again talking and talking for nobody lol

my poll closed and only two votes there......but well, at least, they were good votes so i must say the result was 100% positive lol and no i havent voted in my poll, i promise :-)

here is an image of my poor poll lol



ive now a new blog in Vox, its nothing special but its one more little corner in internet that belongs to me :-) to be honest, i had no idea of having a new blog, ive already this one and RW one too, so when ive some time or patience, i prefer to dedicate it to them :-)

but my friend Jenny McKay has a blog there and i wanted to comment it so i had to join the Vox comunity, then i noticed i could also have a blog and i didnt lose that chance..........they have there something very cool, maybe for the bloggers who dont know very well what to write about lol..........its a different question they make everydays so people can answer to it in their blogs.....they also suggest the theme for an image to post in the blogs, and i think thats a fantastic idea :-)

then i enjoyed playing around with the design of my new blog, thats always a cool thing to do, i must confess :-)

here is the banner ive made:

i hope people will enjoy reading my new blog and watching some things i post there :-)

About the fires in Greece...

"Fires are burning in more than half the country," said fire department spokesman Nikos Diamandis. "This is definitely an unprecedented disaster for Greece."

How is this possible??? we are in the 21th century and there has been such a development in technology, in science, and we still have such awful things like these fires in Greece??? half of the country burning, almost 70 people died because of them, houses, farms and lands destroyed, how is this possible??? a lady saw the flames approaching her house and she ran away from them with her 4 children........but the house didnt burn and she was found later very far away, burned to death and hugging her dead children........people said that if she hadnt run away from her house, she and her children would be still alive now............nooooooooooooo!!! i cant accept this!!!

i dont believe the governors of that country are not able to fight agaisnt this disaster, sorry but i cant believe..........PLEASE DO SOMETHING!!!! I BELIEVE YOU CAN FINISH WITH ALL THESE AWFUL FIRES!!!

i only can send to all greeks my positive thoughts and my prays........and i wish that very soon peace will be back to such a beautiful country......


smoke in Greece :-(

To give and to receive

I havent written here for ages, well at least it looks like that lol :-)

im happy because i had here in my poll my first vote and a positive vote! not many days left to vote and only one vote but at least its a good vote :-) (and i promise it wasnt me voting there) so thanks so much to the one who voted in my poll and who enjoys my blog and a big hug to that nice person, whoever they are :-)

then i wanted to ask a question but i think theres no answer for it.....

why in this world there are so many people who think that all nice things somebody makes are made with the intention of receiving something in return? why people dont believe that there are some people, there are some occasions, when a nice attitude doesnt need anything in return, or maybe only a smile and a bit of joy?

kids are wise, even animals are wise........they are nice to us only to receive a hug, a smile, a nice word.........or they are nice to us simply because they want to be nice, they enjoy being nice :-)

why we the adults, we are so complicated? why we receive a nice thing and the first thing we think is: why are they making this to me? which are their intentions? are they thinking i must pay this back, but how? maybe its better to refuse this offer.....maybe its better not accept nice things from this person because ive nothing to give back or maybe they will ask for things i dont want to give.........

and then i think why this world is so sad.......because people dont accept simple and nice things and gestures, people are afraid of them........and if they dont accept those things, they also refuse to make simple and nice things to the others........for them, its easy to buy and sell, they see the money come, they see the money go, and that doesnt scare them........but if, instead of money, theres a relationship, there are feelings, people simply run away from them.......they need to see whats behind an attitude, whats behind a little present.........but those things arent visible to the eye, they are only visible to the heart.......and people dont like things that are not visible to the eye, maybe because they are insecure.......or maybe because they are afraid of believing in the bright side of life..........they are afraid of believing in the good side of everybody.........

its so nice to give.....since very young i always loved to give, and sometimes i wished i was very rich so i could give special presents to all special people in my life.........and i must say that everytime i give a present to somebody, the only thing i want in return is their joy of having that present :-) i think thats more than enough, and that makes me so happy too.......

but sadly this world has so many mean people, who are so cruel and selfish, thats not very easy to believe in good actions and in good words, isnt it?

but sometimes we should give a try, i think :-)