these last days i confess im feeling a bit down, and very often i think why, why im here?
when i was born i had a problem with my lungs, they had some kind of liquid inside them so i couldnt breath.....the doctor had to put a tube inside me to take that liquid out so i could breath, and here i am.......but i think: why i wasnt gone that moment? ive already lived so many years since then, and world isnt better........i havent changed anything in this world...........sometimes i even think that people who are closer to me, i get their lives harder..........sometimes i really think im only a waste of oxygen.........
one day i will be gone, and life will go on..........and people who were closer to me will get habituated to my absence.......some of them will even feel reliefed, i know it...........
and i ask again, why?
there are so many wonderful people in this world, who die........people who have another people who love them and need them, people who make a difference..........but those people suddenly die, and in such a stupid way.........and i ask, why? why the one who choses those people, why that one doesnt chose people like me, instead?
or all this happens randomly with no explanation?
or its destiny?
and meanwhile, between the beginning of our lives and the end, we all keep looking for our angels.........
this night i dreamt about my dog........i had a wonderful dog i loved so much, but she didnt love me, she didnt need me.......she depended on my oldest sister...........but one day my sister decided to change her life and went away from home........i remember my dog waiting for her in the corner of the garden......she didnt know my sister wouldnt come back.........so i decided to win the heart of my dog........and i did it........much more easily than i thought.......in the emptiness that was created in her heart of dog, i appeared, and she accepted me with all her heart.........
im not the kind of person who says "the more i know people the more i love animals", but the truth is that our pets give to us a love thats hard to find in our human friends.........its an unconditional love.......they dont ask for anything.........they dont make questions, they dont judge us, they dont lie to us.............they feel the world belongs to them when we give to them a bit of our attention, a bit of our love........they need us and never get tired of us.........they feel happy only for being near us...........they make us smile when they play.......sometimes we feel down but our cat or our dog makes one of their silly things and suddenly we are laughing :-)
thats why one of the worse days of my life was when i had to ask the vet to finish with the life of my dog.......and sadly at that moment i also had another dogs, and they had the same cruel destiny........love hurts so much, but we cant run away from it........i cant.........
in my dream i was with my dog......Guidinha was the name i gave to her, although my dad had said she was Ingrid........but for me she was always my Guidinha........in my dream my dog was in the car of my brother in law........it seems that in my dream it was him who looked after her.......she was closed in his car and all alone because my brother in law had to go out to make something.......i saw my dog and i wanted to touch her but all windows were closed........but i noticed there was a little hole where my hand could pass so i put my hand there and i started caressing her head......she felt so happy and me too.......because i really miss her.........i asked my brother in law if i could walk her and he said i could........i found two short leashes in the car so i tied both, so my dog would have more space to walk.........and we were walking and it was so nice, we both were so happy.......suddenly i had a thought.......i wanted to run away from there with my dog.......dont know to where we would go.......i only wanted to run away from everything.......with my Guidinha.......
but we knew we couldnt...........
my dear Guidinha
then i awoke........two of my cats were sleeping very peacefully on my bed.........and downstairs there was my song Angels...........my sister was trying to save it to her mobile because she knows thats my song, so everytime i call her she will listen to my Angels.........
life is funny because suddenly my hidden angels decided to appear......in my dreams, because i missed my dear Guidinha so much........in real life, because i love my cats, they have helped me so much with all the love and joy they have...........and my sister, one of my best friends, was listening to my song, and whats the name of that song? Angels
i still dont know why im here.........what im making here? i still dont know why so many times i feel so down, why theres so much sadness in my heart......i still dont know if i can handle this much more time.........but one thing im sure.......ive my angels.........everybody has........but sadly most times we simply ignore where they are......thats why so often we feel so lost, isnt it?
Robbie Williams - Angels
Angels (Robbie Williams)
I sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate
and do they know
the places where we go
when we´re grey and old
´cos I´ve been told
that salvation lets their wings unfold
so when I’m lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead
I’m loving angels instead
and through it all
she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call
she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
when I’m feeling weak
and my pain walks down
a one way street
I look above
and I know ill always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
she breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead
and through it all
she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call
she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
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