was feeling down, was feeling that something good and precious i have in my life, im slowly losing it :-( or maybe i never had it, but i thought i had it....only an illusion to make me believe in good things in life, in good relationships, in good people.......but more and more i wonder if i really had that treasure......and, if i had it, im feeling im losing it, every little second that passes by........
not easy to think that in the past, we had, or we thought we had, a friend......and today, that friend is no more your friend, but they take advantage of that feeling you had for them.......and they constantly lie to you......you have no proofs that they are lying, but you feel it inside your heart..............and everytime you talk with them, you cant know the difference between whats true and whats a lie........and you feel so confused and lost because you feel somebody to whom you were very close is playing now with your feelings.............and you feel so stupid, isnt it?
and then, in the same day when that happens, when you are trying to forget everything, and to enjoy your day, suddenly it seems that something happens that reminds you again everything you were trying to forget.....another person, another situation, but the same bad feeling of doubts about good relationships............or about relationships you thought they were good......and now theres this emptiness inside you, theres this feeling that you really dont know whats happening, you feel insecure, you feel that the ones you love and care about, they no more love you, no more need you........you feel they are so fed up of you, of your presence, and of everything that has to do with you :-( you even feel that any second that person is with you is a sacrifice for them, because you are so boring.........and you feel you should run away and disappear forever...........
thats not a nice feeling, specially for somebody who knows how rejection hurts...........and you want to cry, to cry the whole night, when everybody is sleeping and nobody will notice you are so hurted............
and you start to cry, but you decide no, i wont cry today, im so tired of crying........and you eat a whole package of peanuts m&ms and you watch a stupid movie they are puting on the TV about people who are bad for one anothers and at the end everybody gets friends, and for a while you forget you needed to cry and that the world sometimes is a bit mean to you...........
and now, you are here writing for nobody, you are here needing a hug nobody will give you, waiting for a nice word you know you will never have......
you are so stupid and so boring :-(
image from Elotopia
