Yesterday night, at home, everybody was already sleeping, it was really quiet here......i was the only person awoken...........suddenly i heard a strange little noise that came from the ceiling.....i looked above and there was an insect flying around a lamp that was switched on..........silly insect, attracted by the light, it ignored the light could burn it to death.........i had no time to do anything because suddenly the noise finished and when i looked above i saw the poor insect dead near the lamp :-(
and then i thought about life........how many times we are all our life flying around bright lights, attracted by their beauty and then they burn us and we die.........im talking about some dreams.......about those dreams that are pratically impossible to come true...........those stupid dreams we run after them, trying to catch them as if they were butterflies, and then we dont realise we are near a precipice and when we do, its already too late..........
my dad who was the most pessimistic person i have ever known in all my life, he used to say these words: «when we make a dream come true, we kill it»..............dont know if those words and also the way he treated me, have influenciated me, because i remember i never had dreams when i was a young girl............young girls always dream, even if its silly dreams, but they dream.......but i remember i never had dreams.......
once somebody asked me what i wanted very much to do and i remember i answered this: «i wanted to save people from a fire».......dont know why i said that but i remember a story that has touched me so deeply when i was very young............i think it was a poem that was in one of the books i took to school......it told a story of a woman who had very ugly hands and everybody avoided to look at her hands because they were really scary...........she had a child and once the child looked at her hands and asked her why her hands were so ugly............and she told that when her child was still a baby and was sleeping in the cradle, a candle that was near it suddenly fell and it started to burn the cradle..........and when the mother ran to save her baby from the burning flames, she burned her hands................when the woman told this story, the child took her hands, kissed them and said: «your hands are the most beautiful hands ive ever seen»
this story touched me deeply, maybe thats why ive given that answer.......or maybe i only needed to make something very special to make people think i wasnt an unuseful and stupid child.........something heroic to show i wasnt a coward and weak little girl........dont know.........
well, as ive said, i had no dreams.........i remember not much ago, somebody asked me if i had dreams and when i said i didnt, that person was very shocked, because everybody has dreams, isnt it?
my life had lots of changes and suddenly i started to dream, maybe because i started to trust in people........or in life...............but there are dreams and dreams.............and if there are dreams that help us to grow up and to make a difference in this world, there are other dreams that are so beautiful and bright but we keep flying around them during days, months, during years, and slowly we start dying inside............im talking about those silly dreams that are pratically impossible to come true, and only a miracle or some kind of magic, can do that..............we get up thinking about that dream, we are all day thinking about it, and the last thing we think before we fall asleep is about that dream................we are obssessed by something that not only doesnt exist but also will never exist.............
sometimes i think my dad was right when he said what he said about dreams........and i even can add these words: «when we make a dream come true, we kill it..........but when our dream doesnt come true, we are killing ourselves»
but people cant fight against their dreams............and so many times its them that keep us wanting to live...........even if its a very stupid dream...............and, as people say, «last thing to die is hope» and for me the dreams belong to the land of hope, i think we must dream till the day we are gone.............
so, some people will keep all their life flying around bright lights, ignoring that one day those beautiful lights that attract them so much, will kill them.........or maybe they are already killing them but so slowly that they dont notice it..........
lucky are the ones who only have the other dreams.......the «good» ones :-)
