My elves cats and me

I found this link «Elf Yourself» in net and made this little video with my cats and me lol

My way

Why this video here now?

dont know...just know that im feeling down and it was nice to watch this video, one of the most beautiful and touching videos and performances of Robbie Williams...

«My way»....maybe a way i never, never took in my whole life...because so many times, to please the ones i love the most, i must forget my own feelings, i must kill a bit a part of me, i must betray myself, i must show a smile when there are only tears...

how i know where i can find my way?

(if there is one...)

its so dark now and cant find any star to show me the way....my way....

..........

Trying...

Trying to kill a little part of me but its so hard and it hurts as hell...

Congratulations Obama!

Obama is USAs new president and im very happy because first i trusted more in him than in McCain, and second because i believe he will make something better in USAs politics and all over the world :-)

i only hope that now that hes on "the top" wont forget the ones where he belonged a few hours ago...sadly in politics that happens most times...it seems all ideals and dreams are lost when people get to "the top"...

but i believe something different and good will happen in our world :-)

congratulations Obama!!!



Obama victory speech here

Happy Halloween

Here is my message to all people around the world who enjoy the Halloween:



yeah, have lots of fun and play as if you was a kid :-)

here in Portugal, only in these last years we started paying attention to Halloween, because its an anglo-saxonic tradition.........today i even bought cookies and a package of candies just in case some trick or treat kids knock at the door, but nobody appeared maybe because its sooo cold outside lol

well, im going now, bye byeeee and take care :-)

XXXXXXXX

Life and its tricks...

Oh well...what can i say?

i think sometimes it seems life has a very weak sense of humour......i mean, it plays silly tricks on us that make us feel really crap, and you know that at that moment some people you know but they dont really like you, they are enjoying it as if they were eating the best ice cream of the world...they dont need to do anything to annoy you, because life makes that for them.....you feel as if some "divine" punishement was there for you, to punish you for your feelings, for your acts, for your thoughts :-(

sometimes its very simple things, but they really put you down....and its funny because it seems "somebody" is chosing the "best" moment for it...

everyday i try to do my best to please everybody...i think the ones around me, they deserve it, and i also know they do the same for me...and when this is mutual, i mean, when this works in both sides, its great for everybody...

but sadly, this doesnt happen everytime i want....sadly, there are some people i cant please, whatever i make...and if i ask for something very simple to them, it seems im asking for something completely impossible...then i ask to me, if those people really love me, if they are really my friends....

(oh my God, my bloody doubts :-(.......)

then life decides to play a stupid trick on you....and you feel like Bridget Jones in her beautiful dress that she took hours to chose, when the cars pass near her on the rainy road...you feel as if the world has finished, isnt it?

and worse than that, you know that the ones who dont like you, they are laughing at you at that moment...nobody is guilty, only the destiny...its life....and you wait and wait that things will change one day, because you dont know how much more time you will be able to handle with this...

i think im not explaining very well what im feeling, but i cant explain it better......its so confusing.....i only know its not nice, and that it makes me feel so crap :-(

(i need some sun to dry my dress...)

About dreams

Dreams are funny because they make us live in a world that only exists in our head...sometimes, they are really bad, and we feel so desperate and then when we awake and realise it was only a nightmare, its such a relief...sadly, when those dreams are very deep, all day long we cant take them out of our thoughts...and it has already happened to me to feel some sadness during the day only because i had a very sad dream during the night

dreams make us remember things that are hidden in the deepest of our hearts...the good things but also the bad things, and its sometimes so upseting to remember things we keep trying to forget because they only give us sadness or fear...

the other night, i dreamt about Freddy my old cat that sadly died some months ago :-(
but that dream was so nice, because it was so real and it was so great to see him again

i miss my cat so much and so many times i remember him...he was such a cute cat, he loved everybody, he was so sweet.....at the end of his life i made everything to make him live a bit more but without suffering, and he was always so brave, accepting patiently the treatments.......i think he was a lil hero, all the vets even called him "the survivor"...he died with more than 20 years old, i had to ask the vet to put him to sleep because we had tried everything but there wasnt anything else to do and i didnt want to see him in pain...

it was very hard to make this, to say goodbye to my old friend, but till the last second i havent left him, and he died so calmly in my arms...

and these things hurt so much, we try not to remember them because they make us sad, so when i dreamt the other night about my Freddy and i saw him so real in front of me, in one hand it made me remember again all those sad moments we had, but in other hand it made me feel so happy because i miss him so much so its so fantastic to be again with him, even if its only in my dreams...

i know its only a cat, but for me the pets who live with us and with whom we share so many moments of happiness and sadness, who keep us company when we feel alone, who make us so many times smile when we are down, who dont ask for anything, because they only want our love and attention, those pets for me are my family too :-)

its also so great to dream about the ones we love but sadly they are so far from us....i even try not to think much on them during the day so i know during the night they might visit me in my dreams :-)

life sometimes is a bit hard when the ones we love the most cant be with us...it hurts so much, it seems some part of us is missing, it seems our life is incomplete...it makes us feel that the sun has gone and its always raining in our heart...

so, when we dream about those we love but we miss them so much, it seems some shining star went to bright our dark nights...and in those moments, we dont feel alone anymore...



A pic my sister Céu took to Freddy

maybe he was dreaming about something in that moment...who knows?

Beating the Hunger Crisis

A message from ONE:



Hi, I just signed a petition asking G8 leaders and the UN Secretary General to commit to providing the food, seed, and fertilizer necessary to help some of the world's poorest countries beat the ongoing hunger crisis.

I hope that you'll join me in taking action here: http://www.one.org/international/un2008/?rc=un2008taf

We've seen aid achieve some amazing things in recent years - like over 29 million more children in school for the first time, and over 2 million more Africans with access to AIDS medications.

But we must recognize the ongoing hunger crisis for the obstacle that it is and work to overcome it if we hope to continue our success.

Thanks"



Why not try this?

because the more the voices, the stronger will be the message :-)

My sun is back

Things change, thanks God, and im feeling a bit better now

somewhere a golden angel came near me and gave me their shoulder to cry on, and showed me their love and helped me, and made me feel i was no more alone...

my world is not dark now, theres a shining star who keeps me company

im glad i could put back again my Facebook and MySpace accounts, i was so stupid for deleting them....why i make these things? it seems that when im feeling very down i need to destroy something important for me, or to hurt myself, to relief my pain....but why? am i trying to punish me? what have i done to deserve this? why this happens to me sometimes???

why sometimes i feel so bad, as if life had no more sense?

i hate that feeling...

my dark clouds are gone now, the sun (my sun) is shining again :-)

but when will those clouds come back again?

........

.................

crap, crap, crap

i cancelled now my two accounts in facebook and in myspace, im so tired of everything, im so tired of being put apart, im so tired of people treating me as if i dont belong to their world, i must get rid of this bloody things that link me to a world that doesnt exist, well, it must exist but ive no right to belong to it, i wish i had the courage to close this blog too, but i need it to shout my anger and my sadness, sometimes i feel im gonna explode!!!

CRAP!!!CRAP!!!CRAP!!!

im so fed up of EVERYTHING!!!

Forgotten

What is the feeling of being forgotten by somebody who is the most important person for you in this world?

nothing else in life really matters, isnt it?

your world falls as a fragile castle made of cards...

you feel lost and so alone

you feel disappointed because you thought there was somewhere a star that brightened your days, but then you realise that star doesnt exist...

maybe it has never existed...

suddenly your world gets so dark

and you feel so empty...

your tears are the only friends you have now

:-(

It's Not Easy...

Ok,
Try not to think about what is hurting you
..............
I know it's not easy
But try it, ok?

Today, there was sun outside
You love the sun, don't you?

Why you weren't happy with the sun?

Look at the birds on the roofs
They are so happy!

Why you are not happy for their happiness?

Try to put in a deep corner of your soul
What is hurting you

Close your eyes
and then close the dark doors of that dark feeling

Open your eyes and look around you

Please don't look inside your heart

Forget it
even if it's only for a few minutes

Try to think only in good things in life
in good things you have

in good people you know

Try to make things that make you happy

Look at the smile of that little boy in the TV

Listen to that song you love so much

Keep trying....

Now, you are busy with things
and you wont think about what hurts you

But don't stop!

If you stop, you think
If you think, you remember
If you remember, you cry again

and again....

I know it's not easy

Everybody wants you to be fine

And you try to be fine
Even if your heart is broken, isn't it?

It's not easy....

Thinking about thinking

Been watching on TV the concert in Hyde Park to celebrate Nelson Mandelas birthday and enjoying it, because this great man deserves it, because its a concert with many artists and lots of music and colour, and because it brings in it an important message, a message of union between everybody to make this world better, no matter the religions, the countries, the colours, or even the thoughts of each other.....and thats always beautiful and important :-)

one of the groups of artists who participated in this concert was the "Queen without Freedie Mercury", and that made me wonder.....Freddie Mercury was one of the best singers ive ever heard in my whole life, he had such a wonderful and strong a voice and such a peculiar way of singing and performing, that i think he must be in the list of the best artists of the whole world, of all times.....i loved his songs and still today i love to listen to his songs.....

so, i think......is this guy replaceable? i mean, what is the feeling of the ones listening to Freddies songs but sung by another person?

to be honest, i was listening to some of his songs, and i feel that the Queen without Freddie Mercury are no more the Queen.....i know that Paul Rodgers sings Freddies songs but its not the same thing....it cant be......he cant have the voice and the way of singing Freddie had.....nobody can......

so, i ask to me.....why people keep trying to replace whats not replaceable? if Queens fans enjoy their music and miss it, why not listen to the old songs sung by Freddie Mercury and not by another artist who maybe is taking away from those songs something very important?

im remembering Robbie Williams my favorite artist, whose voice and way of singing and performing nobody else can do better than him......i wouldnt enjoy to see one day somebody singing his songs and trying to imitate him....not at all :-(.....songs like "Angels", the best song of all times, nobody else can sing it the way Rob sings it, nobody......they can try it, but they really cant....

i think a real good artist who sings a real good song, creates something very unique that nobody else can imitate.....its a feeling, an emotion, its their soul they leave in that song......and nobody can take out that soul of a song.......

and im not talking only about artists, im talking about people in general......people whose lives are important for other people......if those people die one day, nobody can replace them.....we must get used to their absence, and remember them to keep them alive in our hearts......

but, well, its only my opinion.....and in a night when im not feeling very well, feeling those dark clouds in my heart.......thinking about thinking........thinking about people i love and i care about but who are not with me and will never be..........thinking about the unfair things life brings to us everydays.........thinking about my ill cat fighting against his illness and me trying to help him, but im not sure if im really helping him.....hes so old and his illness has no cure, am i being sellfish for trying to make him live a bit more?.........but who am i to decide what is the right time to let him go?.......i think hes not in pain, thats why im making everything, and i mean everything, to make him survive......because if he was in pain, i should have the courage to give up.....as i had years ago with my dogs..... :-(......but i dont want to remember this now, its too much painful........it broke my heart, and it keeps breaking everytime i think about it......

need to give the medecines to my cat and then i must go to bed......tomorrow ill feel better.....

funny, my cats name is Freddy :-)

goodnight to the stars

XXXXXXXX

Today i WONT cry!

Feeling crap, crap, crap.....

but this time i WONT cry, im so fed up of crying as a silly child, i feel always so ridiculous...

ill pretend everything is ok, and if something tries to upset me, ill open a little door in my mind and ill throw to there all my darkest feelings, oh yeah i will...

and then ill close that door and ill throw away the key....oops i cant, because i know other bad feelings will want to appear and i must hide them there too...

its as if a dark and ugly monster was invading my soul in all directions and i must try to ignore it to do not feel so lost...

why sometimes this happens to me? what have i done to deserve this?

why people keep hurting each others, specially the ones who are closer to them? is that fair?

in whom can we count on?

sometimes we think we can count on somebody and that we are important for that person, but suddenly we realise we are so wrong, we dont mean anything to that person, and that everything nice that person seems to make to you, its not made with real love and joy, its made with sacrifice........and when you think you have something very special in your life, maybe one of the most special things in all your life, something more precious than gold, suddenly you find out thats nothing, its only sand that disappears in the middle of your fingers, you try to hold it tight in your hands because its so important for you, but it vanishes, and so, so fast..... :-(

how can we always be so wrong? how can we always feel so lost in this endless road thats our stupid life?

maybe we only can rest when our life comes to its end....no more dreams, no more disillusions, we dont hurt any more people and nobody else hurts us, its the end of everything.....and when we die, if somebody sometimes remembers us that means that during our life we were important to that person and in some way we made some difference in their life......and that keeps us alive and eternal, even if its only in one persons heart......

many times i think im lucky because i have a wonderful family, not very large, but they really love me and care about me, and we all are very close, and i never doubt about their feelings for me....and ive my pets who i know they really love me too......and i know that if one day ill go, they will really miss me, ive no doubts about that.....i also have no doubts that when they are with me, they really enjoy my company, they are not making any sacrifice, im not being something heavy and disturbing in their lives, ive no doubts about that too...........and thats so wonderful to me, dont believe many people have this luck :-)

but sadly i feel other people who are close, or i think they are close to me, its not the same thing..........and that breaks my heart because i know i dont deserve that, because for me those persons are very important and very special, and i couldnt live without them........but i feel they think im only creating problems in their lives and that everything would be better if i was far, far away from them.........

i feel like an annoying and dark cloud thats taking away the sun from a flower........

so if that dark cloud really loves that flower, and knows that the flower doesnt need you, it only wants and needs the warm and happy sun, dont you think it has arrived the time to have the courage to go away and leave that flower in peace? its hard for you because you feel that flower sometimes will need the rain that could water its petals and at the same time, that flower is important for you, it brights your life and gives colours to your days...........

but you feel you cant force the feelings of the ones you love but who dont love you, thats so stupid..........you need them but you must realise they DONT need you.....they are important for you, but you are only a pain in their lives............

so, u must go, go with the wind, go to the ones who really love you and care about you, and forget everything that is constanly hurting you and breaking your heart!

you cant be so silly all your life.....

but, as i said, i WONT cry today!

thats enough of tears, too much tears in my life since i was born, thats enough!

...................................................

To be or not to be...

So, its me here again, having been here for ages...went here now because i needed to talk...

ok, here it is: sometimes it happens to everybody something like this...you are afraid of hurting or upseting somebody you love too much and you know you cant show your real feelings, i mean, you are not feeling happy, something is hurting you, but you must show to that person that everything is fine with you....thats not easy, but the one you love wont realise how much you are suffering...and that person wont suffer with you...

so, is this fair? not only you feel unhappy but also you are obliged to play a hard role and maybe you are "lying" to your friend...but if you show that you are not feeling well, the one you love will feel bad too.....and if you know that person isnt well because of you, you will feel even worse!

life is a bit complicated, isnt it?

who knows which is the right time to be who you are, to show what you are feeling, to tell what you are thinking???

maybe we should never hide our feelings, as very young kids do....they are not afraid of opening their hearts, of crying if they need to, or of laughing if they want to....

animals dont think neither about what they are feeling.....they always show what is in their hearts, always...

well, i think its time to go to bed, its too late and my brain cant think lol

sweet dreams to anybody whos there

XXXXXXXX

Spiritual ConneXtions Aknowledgement Awards 2008

I put here a banner about the next event in September this year, where the most important UK people dedicated to the spiritualism and paranormal will have the chance to receive an award....the votings have already started and the great site Spiritual ConneXtions is organising this great event.....last year, the event was so amazing and i had the luck to be there :-) this year i believe it will be even better! i think everybody whos interested in everything related with spiritualism and the mysteries of life and death, should be there :-) many well known people will go to that event so i feel really proud to put this banner here in my blog.....

i want to wish to the ones who are organising this huge event, 3 wonderful and unforgettable days, plenty of great moments as they deserve :-)

goodluck!

XXXXXXXX

Communication?

So, the question today is......communication, i mean people talking with others about life and other things, sharing experiences and emotions, telling good and bad things that happen to them, communicating........and so many times, theres no need of words to communicate.....a smile, a tear, a touch on the shoulder, a hug, everything can show to the others how we are feeling.....

but why am i talking about this now? maybe because so many times in my life theres a lack of communication............when people who are friends are together, theres communication between them.....they trust enough in each other and care enough about each others lives, that they enjoy talking about so many things, and that communication gets both lives richer and richer everyday........

but if theres no communication between two friends doesnt that mean that theres no friendship between them? even if they are together?

once i heard a story about an old couple that were married for ages.......it looked like they were happy, and their life was quiet and nice...........one day somebody went to visit them and then they had lunch............during the lunch, the visitor asked the lady if she wanted butter to put on her slice of bread and she said "no thanks i never enjoyed butter in my life"...........her husband was very amazed because every morning they took together the breakfast during years, and he never imagined that his wife didnt like butter..........

well, what does that mean? such a couple who lived together for so many years, were they really friends? such a little detail as this one, the butter one, maybe its not important, but then we think "why that lady never told her husband that she didnt like butter? why she didnt communicate that to him? why that man never understood the tastes of his wife?".............only a simple detail but maybe during all their lives other details and maybe much more important, were ignored or misunderstood...............

so, when people say that they are our friends and that care about us, and then they are with us, we feel so happy to be with them, isnt it? but if they are with us but theres no communication, what kind of friendship is that?

how many times it has happened that we are with a friend and we are talking about us, about our things, and our friend is there, is listening to us, or pretends to be listening to us, but pratically doesnt talk with us, and we keep talking and talking, and time passes by and we feel more and more alone, we feel we are talking for nobody, we feel that person whos with us isnt there, is miles and miles away............well, the body is there but not the soul, and when we say goodbye we feel something is missing, something very important is missing.................

and whats missing is communication, its interaction between people who are so close, and then we think if that friendship really exists............

well, as always, theres no answers to my questions, there are no people commenting my posts or saying something nice that would make me feel a bit better, but hey thats life, isnt it?

goodnight to everybody

XXXXXXXX

World in dark today for 5 precious minutes :-)

«ENGLISH VERSION

World in dark (Blackout). In the 29th February of 2008 from 7:55pm to 8:00pm Lisbon, Greenwich - Hour, is proposed to turn of all lights and if possible all electric equipments, to our planet 'breath'.

If we make an massive answer to this request, the power saves can be brutal!!!
Only five minutes, to see what happens.
Yes, we'll be 5 minuts in the dark, we can turn light a candle and simply just stay watching it. It's five minutes that our planet and us will be breathing.

Remember, the union makes the force and the Internet can have a lot of power and using it like now we can make something BIG and GREAT to the environment and mankind.

Pass the new, and if you have friends all over the world send them this mail and ask them to make the translation to their language and adapt the hour of your and they're country to the Lisbon Greenwich time.

Thank You and once in life let's make someting great for our planet!

VERSÃO PORTUGUESA

Escuridão mundial: No dia 29 de Fevereiro de 2008 das 19:55 às 20:00 horas propõe-se apagar todas as luzes e se possível todos os aparelhos eléctricos, para o nosso planeta poder 'respirar'. Se a resposta for massiva, a poupança energética pode ser brutal. Só 5 minutos, para ver o que acontece. Sim, estaremos 5 minutos às escuras, podemos acender uma vela e simplesmente ficar a olhar para ela, estaremos a respirar nós e o planeta. Lembrem-se que a união faz a força e a Internet pode ter muito poder e podemos mesmo fazer algo em grande. Passa a notícia, se tiveres amigos a viver noutros países envia-lhes e pede-lhes que façam a tradução e adaptem as horas.»

This is my message for today :-)

Is it possible?

Lets try it!

Happy Valentines (whats that?)

Im here again, needed to write something because this day i dont like it, it makes me sad, always...

not feeling very well today...it hurts my head, i think i got a cold, i feel cold inside me

and the funny is that i need to cry but i cant, dont know whats happening...maybe ive already wasted all my tears lol

i know i shouldnt feel like this, ive so many great things and people in my life, but sadly this bloody 14 February always makes me feel like this...

WHY PEOPLE INVENTED VALENTINES DAY???

why it cant be a day like the others?

if people really love somebody why do they need this day to show their love? dont they have every days to make that?

and when people have nobody who loves them, its a bit cruel for them to turn on the television and watch all those silly Valentines adverts, or go outside and see the shops plenty of stupid bears with red hearts in their arms, or see people buying lots of cards and flowers, and you look at you and theres no flowers in your hands, theres not a simple card, theres not a kiss, theres not a hug, theres no love in your life, and you feel you want to disappear because your life is a shit

and your head is hurting so much and you are so fed up of this day

and its still so early, its only 3 in the afternoon, and theres still a long day in front of you, and you waiting for nothing

and you waiting for nobody...

...

oh well...

my cats are needing me, i think they are hungry....i will feed them and will show to them all my love

they deserve it, they love me so unconditionally

its sun outside, maybe i wont feel so cold now

happy Valentines to the ones who know whats that...