Rejection

I said once that one of the worst feelings is to be rejected........and thats so true.........specially when you started being rejected when you are only a kid............

you are as you are, you are weak, you get scared to death when your dad yells at you, your sisters are strong and clever, they understand what your dad teaches to them, they make what he wants, they have good results in their tests, but you cant do that, you dont understand some things he tries to explain to you, you are afraid when you are in the beach and he obliges you to go to a deep place to take bath, you even are afraid of eating, it seems your stomach cant have food inside it and you throw everything away, even when you dont have anything to throw away............

you dont want to study, you dont want to eat, you dont want to go to the beach, and your dad always yelling at you, making you feel worse than a worm..........

and one day your dad gives up of you, now he wont care anymore about you..........you live in the same home but you dont belong to the family...............

your nan takes you to a teacher to try to make you learn something, but when you arrive at home, you hear your dad talking with your sisters and your mum, moaning about you and about how stupid and unusefull you are........and you feel you need a hole in the floor to hide there forever.......

you are in the beach playing all by yourself because your dad and your mum went walking with your sisters but you cant go with them because you are being punished..........and when they arrive, so many stories they have to tell, so many cool things they found in the beach..........but you are far away listening to them while you try to keep playing in your own world you had created only for you.........

because you dont belong to their world.........

you have no right to.........

at school you only pass classes because your nan is friend of the teachers................you have no friends at school..........and during classes your mates laugh at you, make jokes about you.....and you always finish the classes crying in a corner.........

and you are only a kid.............

not nice to be rejected i must say it.............

and you grow up and things doesnt change..............it seems you are not welcome in this world.........you try sometimes to get things a bit different, but its not possible because of this or because of that........its funny how theres always a reason why things cant be as you wish...........

but maybe its only your fault because you dont deserve it, so why keep trying it? why you dont accept your life as it is and you dont give up of trying to enter worlds where you dont belong? its so sad to be rejected but maybe its your fate...........

and you are not brave enough to one day climb a table and shout with all ur lungs: "thats ENOUGH! if you keep rejecting me that means you dont love me nor you need me, so go away!"........

but you wont do that lol you are not brave enough...........you are scared of losing the ones you love, even if you know they dont love you the way you love them...............you prefer to live all your life in that stupid expectation of being accepted by the others........accepted by what you are with all your weaknesses...............

but maybe at the end you will realise that some people are only with you because they feel pity of you..........because the truth is that they dont love you anymore, they are fed up of you, and maybe they never have loved you before...............

life is so funny, isnt it?