:-(

Im feeling so weird, something strange inside me......im feeling cold, my body hurting as if somebody had punched me :-( i feel as if i had fiever, its so strange.......my head so heavy.........my throat hurting...........sometimes ive these feelings and then i go to bed and the next day im fine again.....but im feeling sad inside my heart too, i needed to tell something here in my blog before i explode.......i feel as if im being punished for something bad ive made.......i needed to cry but i dont want to, im so tired of crying..........sometimes im so tired of everything...........i need to look after my cats, i love them so much, i know they would feel so sad and lost if i went away..............who would take care of them? who would talk to them as i do? im so coward, always looking for excuses to not make what i should make.............and my family? they love me but soon they would get used to my absence..........but maybe they are the only human beings on earth who really love me and who really would miss me...........and i love them so much.............4 people without whom i couldnt live.....................what about my friends? do i have friends??? whats a friend??? friends love to meet friends, love to be with them.......friends dont treat friends as if they felt repugnance for them...............whats a friend by the way??? dont know whats that, to be honest...........so many times ive the feeling ive great friends, beautiful actions and words that make me think "hey im special for this person :-) "..........and thats so great, so wonderful, as if the sky had always plenty of shining stars in the darkest night...........and it makes me feel happy, it makes me feel life is worth it...........but suddenly strange things happen and i feel i was wrong............i feel as if i was a 3 years old child who only created imaginary friends to fight against their loneliness............

oh my God, im feeling so bad........

i needed to talk, only that.....

sorry...........

maybe tomorrow i will feel better.........

:-(